The Titans of Babel

In her hobble-de-hoyden Tuesday night romps on NBC-TV's Jack Paar Show, doughty Prattler Elsa Maxwell. 74. has merrily trampled and spiked the foibles, veneers and peculiarities of such vulnerable folk as Elvis Presley, Billionaire J. Paul Getty. Jayne Mansfield, "Fatso" Farouk, Linda Christian and many another moving target. But not until one evening a fortnight ago did the gaily irresponsible Elsa turn her gusty gall on one of the few name-and-I-droppers in the world who, pound for pound, can outgossip and outfeud her--Walter Winchell. The battle between the titans of Babel began when Host Jack Paar cued Guest Maxwell with a remark that Walter Winchell "is after me." Not waiting to learn how, Elsa expanded like an enraged blowfish, crying: "He's never voted and never registered! Is that a good patriotic American or not? He is phonier than we are, Jack!"

Underwear Too Tight? Paar leaped into the fray with both feet. He speculated that Winchell's column is actually "written by a fly" (citing the speckline punctuation between items as evidence), guessed that his "high, hysterical voice" results from his "too-tight underwear." He cried that WW would like to run the Paar Show but "hasn't a chance" because, he said, Winchell flopped in four of his own TV shows.

When the evil tidings were borne to him in Hollywood, 61-year-old Walter flew into a Vesuvian rage. Elsa Maxwell, fumed he, is a "fat, sloppy, smelly [unmentionable]." What was worse, said he, she had jeopardized his pet project, the Damon Runyon Cancer Fund: "Letters have been pouring in from people saying, 'We're not going to give any money to the fund because we hear on the Paar show that you are un-American!'" Winchell announced plans to enrich the Runyon Fund by $24 million by suing all twelve of Paar's sponsors for $2,000,000 apiece, threatened a libel action against Elsa, demanded a retraction from Paar.

"Dulsa & Jerque." Truth was Winchell had voted in at least the last two national elections (Elsa claimed that she got her information from a 1952 New York Post series) and could prove it; in 1956, he had proudly posed for a picture as he entered a Manhattan precinct booth to strike a blow for Ike and Dick. Said Walter: "I said to NBC I want them to show that picture of me voting every Tuesday until I got bored. Not until they got bored, but until I got bored." Last week Jack Paar, henceforth answerable to NBC's brass for any serious assaults upon Winchell, trotted out the photo and a sour-prefaced retraction. Though "happy to set the record straight," Paar recalled a "complete falsehood" that Winchell had hung on Paar in 1955 and had never corrected. (The squib: "Friends of the Jack Paars ... are worrying".) "Most damaging to any family man," snapped Jack.

WW, meanwhile, was in full eruption in his column.* He shrilled: "Teevee's-latest animal act--Dulsa and Jerque--are vainly striving to make boredom entertaining." Off the air, Personality Paar and Fun Lover Maxwell kept the cavalcade of invective rolling. Harrumphed Elsa: "I have invaded TV. The great American public loves me. What is Winchell on TV? A fading star! I hear that he recently got himself into a tuxedo for a party. Maybe he's trying to invade my world. Ha!" Sneered Paar: "Many Broadway people say that Winchell is a heel. What worries me is the hole in his soul. His orchids are poison ivy in a crackpot! This type of guy wraps himself in the American flag. He wears it like a bathrobe. Now it's the Damon Runyon Cancer Fund. Why must he wrap himself in that?"

At week's end Winchell, in movieland making 13 more filmed dossiers for his Walter Winchell File series (ABC-TV), was still fuming and spluttering. Snorted

Walter: "While he's attacking me, I'm out emceeing benefits to raise money for the children of firemen and policemen and the cancer fund. What does he do? Has he got a fund?"

*Journalistically, Winchell got his week off to a sensational start by publishing excerpts from a letter that came--claimed Winchell --from Cinematron Gloria Swanson (long a WWhetstone). The letter heaped abuse on Winchell, clucked over Cheryl and Lana Turner. Sample: "You are old, Walter, and getting silly." Four days later, in heavy black print, Winchell ate crow. It seemed, bleated Walter, that the "many mean, vile and sickening canards . . . written in a shaky, old folks handwriting" were the handiwork of one "Gloria Emerson." Why had he thought it came from Gloria Swanson? "It had a return address on it, the Waldorf Towers, N.Y. (Elsa Maxwell lives there, and we think Gloria Swanson has dwelled there, too). So we thought the letter was from Gloria Swanson . . ."

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