The Papist Plot

"There is an organization seeking to control the United States today that is more subversive to our basic American democratic way of life than all the Communist hordes ... It is the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church, [which] seeks to discredit and destroy other religious groups in the United States . . . and to establish fascism in America!"

This diatribe by Junior Lowell Kirby, 24, of Athens' University of Georgia, appeared in the final issue of the college paper, The Red and Black. It left Catholic students (275 in an enrollment of 5,500) hopping mad. Members of the Newman Club promptly consulted with Father Cronan F. Kelly, director of the Catholic student center, decided on a counterblast. The resulting document relaxed a tense situation and sent students home for vacation in high good humor:

"Catholic students! Attention! Emergency orders! 1) Reread all 'bulls' and 'encyclicals.' 2) Weapons will be issued at the Newman Arsenal, Catholic student center on Lumpkin Street. 3) Take captive only those who can be brainwashed; kill others. 4) Remember that these groups are our allies: (a) Communists, (b) Fascists, (c) Nazis, (d) Stoics, (e)

Purple People Eaters.* 5) There will be a pep rally at the covered bridge over the Oconee River at 1600 to crown the Pope, who will arrive by submarine at 1545. Marching from the river, the Pope's first stop will be the varsity, where he will dine and sign autographs . . ."

*Referring to a "one-eyed, one-horned . . . pigeontoed, underclothed" visitor from outer space, celebrated in a current rock 'n' roll hit. Asked his line, he replies: "Eatin' purple people, and it sure is fine."

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