Snobility. In London, a sensitive father ran a classified ad in the Times for a "sports car, preferably foreign, wanted for weekend by respectable middle-aged civil servant to raise son's status at preparatory school where most fathers have Jaguars."

Architrusty. In Florence, Ariz., J. J. Isbell was locked up in the city jail, soon noticed that the hinges on his cell door had been put on on the inside, pulled out the pins, pushed over the door and walked out.

Tirra-Lire-Lire. In Acqui, Italy, 1 1/2-year-old Maurizio Pesce was fined 400 lire for excessive tootling of his father's auto horn.

Elementary. In Richmond, Va., Sherlock Holmes reported the theft of his automobile.

Roving Eye. In Vancouver, B.C., the daily Province reported an accident, said that an "eyewitness was Winston Dawson, who was not at the scene at the time."

Hubdown. In St. Paul, Ronald Engel was stopped for speeding, explained that he had just washed his car and was drying it.

Fringe Benefit. In Birmingham, England, a transport workers' union announced a new service for its 6,000 members: free legal aid in getting divorces.

Maize of Noon. In Chicago, fire swept through a warehouse, popped half a ton of popcorn.

Back Pay. In Mount Vernon, Wash., James Ferguson rescued a woman from her overturned car, strained himself, sued her for damages.

Naves. In Birmingham, Church Official Richard King, 72, was knifed outside the Friendly Baptist Church by a group of ousted deacons.

Cio Cio Sandman. In Ashiya, Japan, a ten-day crackdown on horn blowing was so successful that the only traffic accident during the period involved a driver who fell asleep at the wheel.

Automatic Transgression. In Columbus, Ohio, Raymond Pickens borrowed a 1952 Chevrolet from a used car dealer to try it out, drove it to a vacant lot, where police found him lifting out the motor with a chain hoist he had secured to a tree limb.

H2Oil. In Tulsa, George Sharp drilled hopefully in his backyard for water, struck oil, moaned "Oh no," made plans to drill on down until he hit water, then case off a section of the well to keep the oil out.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.