Targets & Shafts

Called upon as after-dinner speaker at the Women's National Press Club last week, New York's Freshman Republican Senator Kenneth Keating turned out to be Washington's liveliest political humorist since the late Alben Barkley. Targets and shafts:

Texas' Lyndon Johnson. "He figures the best road to the White House is the Milky Way. He was the first man to try to turn outer space into a congressional district. The other day he made his 16th denial of presidential ambitions, a number roughly corresponding to the ballot on which he hopes to be nominated."

Massachusetts' Jack Kennedy. "Jack has problems. Every time he appears on a TV panel show, thousands of viewers write in to ask which college won the debate."

Illinois' Adlai Stevenson. "He still leads most of the Democratic polls. This shows Democrats have no desire to ruin the sport of the thing by any compulsive urge to win."

Minnesota's Hubert Humphrey. "Hubert is the first man to run for President on the basis of spending eight hours to answer a simple question. His talk with Khrushchev, I understand, is to be made into a movie called The Lynx and the Larynx."

A.F.L-C.I.O.'s Walter Reuther. "He has announced that labor was not wedded to the Democratic Party. If that be true, we have been witnessing the world's most notorious case of living in sin."

Democrats. "I've heard it said that there's only one real difference between the Democratic and Republican parties. The Democrat says things are awful and tells you a joke to cheer you up. A Republican says things are wonderful--and then weeps at the beauty of it. Actually I prefer another definition. We Republicans think of a person first as a taxpayer. The Democrats think of him first as a voter. Obviously the voters are increasing by leaps and bounds--while the taxpayers are a vanishing race. So how can you win?"

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.