Closed Season. In Dayton, police wrote a note of reminder: "Sacksteder's restaurant will, hereafter, have a man on duty all night to act as janitor and night watchman; his name is Bill Amos; please don't shoot Amos."

Torch Carrier. In Eiseldorf, Germany, Farmer's Daughter Agnes Schwimmbeck, questioned about setting fire to her father's barn and farmhouse, confessed that she loved a member of the local volunteer fire brigade, wanted to lure him to the farm.

Handicap. In Chicago, police could not find the culprit when Boston Linwood complained that his car had been damaged by a hit-and-run horse.

Bullish. In Bloomfield Hills, Mich., the brokerage firm of Manley, Bennett & Co., at a party celebrating the opening of new offices, served martinis containing purely decorative olives stuffed with ticker tape.

Preoccupation. In Titchfield, England, Mrs. Ann Rudd, mother of six, had a check bounce when instead of "two pounds six shillings" she wrote "two pounds six children."

Command Performance. In Centreville, Mich., Cabby Walter Holm answered a call to a home, was invited inside, and forced to sing for two hours while a man held a knife at his throat, was released unharmed.

And Dark of Night. In Rio de Janeiro, after learning that one U.S. mailman had been bitten by ten dogs in the course of his career, Postmaster Agelico Loureiso boasted: "Our rural carriers have often been bitten and even eaten by jaguars."

Cache. In Knoxville, Tenn., police discovered that the $150 for which John Maples was searching had fallen through a hole in his pocket into the hollow center of his artificial leg.

Inventory. In Bitha, Israel, asked by police why she waited five months to report her husband missing, the wife replied, "I didn't miss him until now."

Hidden Persuader. In Denver, on trial for possession of burglary tools (a sledge hammer concealed under his jacket), James H. Fielder won acquittal when he explained: "I carry this for protection in case somebody tries to pick a fight with me in a bar."

Fueling Facts. In England, a booklet just issued by the National Coal Board explains how to shovel coal: "Examine the shovel, approach the coal, grasp the shovel, make a forward stroke, raise the load, swing the shovel in the direction in which the coal is to be thrown."

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