All for Art

A lot of TV programs seem as if they were made up entirely of commercials. Last week Los Angeles' KTTV went all the way, put on Cavalcade of Spots, a half-hour show that was in fact nothing but commercials.

Cavalcade was born last spring when KTTV President Richard A. Moore astonished the Western Association of National Advertisers by offering prime time for a 13-week program of commercials --and offered to foot the bill himself. Moore was delighted by the association's flood of entries for the show, became more "convinced than ever that some of the most creative material on television today is contained within the commercials."

The fact that the majority of the choices for the first installment of Cavalcade last week turned out to be foreign bothered Moore not at all. So, between the nasal cartoon witticisms of Bert and Harry Piel and the prizewinning Calo Cat & Dog Food commercial (TIME, Oct. 6), Californians were treated to a half-hour of sales pitches for products they may never get a chance to buy. A sampling:

> Shell Gasoline (British version) features a simple-minded motorist with an asthmatic car. "Uncontrolled ignition, old boy!" explains a Mayfair type in clipped U accents. The motorist fills up on Shell and drives off, as the announcer cackles: "Happy at last. Good old George."

> Netty, a French brassiere, is displayed by a curvy salesgirl busily selling ties to two gallant Gallic gentlemen. Ever so often, as the salesgirl writhes closer to the counter, she dissolves like a nervous ghost, leaving only a suddenly unoccupied bra for her customers to gape at.

> Lucerne Milk (U.S.) is peddled by "Satellite McCool," a beatnik, bop-talking pianist, busy playing far-out music. Asked for his musical preference, Satellite says he likes his own stuff. "I mean classical, like Beethoven. Where is it??" Asked for the essence of his philosophy, he answers dreamily: "Where am I??" Then he pulls a container of Lucerne Milk out of the piano.

Cavalcade can probably find enough new commercials to fill President Moore's promise of 13 free weeks. Whether the show will back up his argument that advertising is art is another question. But Moore is confident that he will find a sponsor willing to pay for the privilege of pushing other people's products.

A commercial that richly deserves to be part of Cavalcade was heard last week on Reno, Nev. radio stations. It sounded like one of the Viceroy ("Thinking Man's Filter'') playlets--or did it?

Visitor: Excuse me. Do you mind if I stand here and observe? I've never watched a brain surgeon at work before.

Host: Oh, I'm not really a brain surgeon . . . Would you hand me that scalpel, please?

Certainly . . . You say you're not really a brain surgeon?

No. I'm a furniture mover from Bender Moving & Storage Co. . . . Sponge, please.

Here you are.

Thanks. I just dabble in brain surgery for a hobby. It helps develop the gentle, tender touch for which Bender is so well known . . . Clamp.

Do you think all movers should practice brain surgery?

No. I don't think every mover should. Only those who work for Bender.

Well, another man who thinks for himself.

Band-Aid, please . . . [embarrassed little laugh] Cut my finger.

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