Nervous Collapse. In Christchurch, New Zealand, a river footbridge maintained by two separate municipal authorities was marked on a Monday for demolition, renovated on Tuesday by a repair gang, demolished as scheduled on Wednesday, visited on Thursday by another gang sent to paint it.

Birth Pangs. In Hartford, Conn., D. A. McGann sent $5 to the police for a parking ticket with an explanatory note: "It was a girl. Delivery costs $5 more than anticipated," got an answer: "Congratulations, but no refund."

Trimmed. In Oklahoma City, T. E. Watts appeared at the U.S. Treasury office with a box of shredded money he wanted to replace, explained that his wallet fell out of his pocket while he was cutting the lawn and the lawnmower chopped it to pieces.

Dropped in His Tracks. In San Antonio, police considered whether Patrolman Ronald Henaire was entitled to compensation for injury in the line of duty after spilling a cup of coffee he was taking to fellow officers and burning his foot.

Rebuttal. In Lisbon Falls, Me., when the town's selectmen increased the tax rate on real estate, the citizens held a special meeting, voted to dismiss all five selectmen from their jobs.

Leaves Canceled. In Buffalo, N.Y., U.S.O. Director Mrs. Odessa Shipley thought she knew just how to entertain 230 visiting British sailors from H.M.S. Scarborough, was terribly surprised when 1,000 tea bags went untouched.

Key to Success. In Paris, after winning a special commendation from the police chief for his speed in locating stolen cars, a gendarme let out the secret: he had stolen them himself.

Busybody. In Venice, Calif., Albert A. Tammer stepped in to separate five girls who were fighting, learned too late that it was a mistake; the ladies gave him a good pummeling, took his wallet and cigarette case for good measure.

Dope Sheet. In Toronto, Ont., a Telegram racing expert picked Joker's Hill to show in the featured fifth at Old Woodbine track, had some explaining to do when Joker's Hill never ran, turned out to have bowed a tendon, was shot a week before the race.

Stage-Struclc. In Broken Bow, Neb., while participating in an Old West celebration, Banker Thomas T. Varney Jr. fired blanks enthusiastically at fleeing make-believe robbers, discovered too late that the shells were loaded with birdshot, sent one of his victims a new hat, the other an air pillow to sit on.

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