"Time, Gentlemen ..."

From the day that the ingenious Romans set up their first roadside bibulium in conquered Britannia, there have been pubs in England. Such emblems as the White Horse (banner of the Saxons), the Sun (badge of Richard the Lionhearted) or St. George and0 the Dragon recall a proud past. There are four pubs in Whitehall controlled by the Queen herself, and there are scores more among the island's 58,000 that are entitled to use the noble arms of ducal patrons.

Nevertheless, it has begun to dawn on some Britons that the pub is something out of the past in more ways than one. Class-conscious publicans still provide a "saloon" for the gentry and a "public" bar for the lower classes, where a pint is a penny cheaper. Dog-eared signs command: "No Singing," "No Gambling," "No Credit." Listening to phonograph records or sports broadcasts is forbidden. Finally, there is the most exasperating restriction of all--"Time, gentlemen, please," which is the theme song of the most bewildering set of license laws in Christendom.

When & Where? Last week, in answer to a motion that the government "give urgent consideration to this question," Home Secretary Rab Butler was ready to make good a historic promise. Her Majesty's government, he told Parliament, would do something about the nation's crazy-quilt licensing laws at last. As things stand now, a London pub may stay open only nine hours each weekday, and these hours must be divided into 'one period around lunchtime and one period in the evening. But since each borough or local council can fix its own hours, no one can be sure just when "Time, gentlemen" will be called. As if the pub situation were not confusing enough, a hotel guest, while able to drink at any time because he is legally "at home," cannot offer a friend a drink when the local pub is closed. Nor can a grocer sell a housewife liquor, though he is allowed to "deliver"--if only to a waiting pram.

The result has been that though Britain's official consumption of alcohol has declined, the number of private drinking clubs has soared to 22,000. Because of last-minute guzzling to get under the bell, there are now four automobile accidents every three minutes in the two hours just after evening closing time.

How & Where? The most ludicrous aspect of the licensing laws is the fact that they can turn a man into the most desperate kind of pub crawler: with a little ingenuity, a good map, and much patience he can drink legally around the clock in London.

He starts out at a pub with a normal closing time. At 10:30 or11 p.m., he moves on to Paddington Station's Running Donkey, which serves thirsty porters until 3 a.m. After that he dashes over to Smithfield Market, where he can drink until 6 a.m. with the city's meat loaders. Then, it's off to Kemble's Head at Covent Garden, where the vegetable loaders can drink until 8:30 a.m. Next comes The Cock at Euston Station and, finally, The Eagle at Southwark, which opens after lunchtime closing and closes at evening opening. At that point, pub No. 1 starts serving as usual, and the man of determination can start all over again.

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