The Trials of Birdie

"Why do I do this every night?" wailed the TV star in despair. "I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't act ... Quit? How? I can't help being a star!"

Readers of the sentimental, stylishly drawn comic strip, On Stage (Chicago Tribune-New York News syndicate), thought they recognized its new character, a late-night TV talker named Bud Birdie. The readers were right. From the top of his toupee to the tips of his well-bitten fingernails, Birdie was a reasonable facsimile of Jack Paar. And although Birdie's troubles were planned and drawn more than three months ago, his first appearance last week happened to be timed perfectly. Just as Birdie announced that he could not quit, so did "Weeping Jack" Paar.

After the Paar walkout that was heard round the world (TIME, Feb. 22), things looked bad for a while. General David Sarnoff, jeered the Herald Tribune's Columnist Art Buchwald, had ordered "NBC's First Territorial Lawyers' Brigade to surround Paar's house and dig in. All leaves of the Fourth Airborne Public Relations Division were canceled, and every vice president under the age of 70 was mobilized and armed with statements." Then Jack finally decided to take a vacation in Hawaii and Hong Kong--but for some reason, he went by way of Florida. Somehow, he happened to land in West Palm Beach, a quick Cadillac ride from Boca Raton, where NBC brass happened to be attending a meeting with network affiliates. Quite naturally, when NBC Bosses Bob Sarnoff and Bob Kintner learned of Paar's arrival, they dropped everything and motored up the highway to greet him. The meeting was brief. Paar handed his visitors a letter apologizing for his walkout and promising to live up to his contract. Both Bobs read it and agreed that Jack could take his unscheduled vacation and come home on March 7. After just five days, the great Paar rebellion was over. From Miami to Manhattan the troops began to disband.

Whatever happens when he returns, now that he has achieved the ultimate and made the funnies, it will be tough for Paar to top himself. But Bud Birdie (so named because a birdie is better than par) may do it. In future installments of On Stage, Cartoonist Leonard Starr has his nice but emotional hero ("I'm fighting the elements now!") plagued by offstage intrigue, and trying to figure out which of his official family is leaking unkind gossip to the columnists. Is it the lovable hayseed comedian, Tex McPrairie? Is it the suave announcer? Will Bud ever find out? And if so, will he tell Jack?

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