Sound Training. In Taipei, Formosa, a district court sentenced Shen Lin-hsiang, 42, to 2 1/2 years in jail for biting off part of her stepdaughter's ear to teach the girl "her place in the family."

Overhaul. In Long Beach, Calif., Jerome Colwell complained to police that a thief had stripped accessories from his car, which had been parked in one spot for two months while he was in jail for car stripping.

The Shape of the Thing. In Buffalo, John Baldyga escaped with a 60-day suspended sentence after he admitted in court that he had thrown a bowling ball through the window of a restaurant because the place served him a square pizza..

Hard Cover. In Los Angeles, after James E. Fitzgerald, 23, was arrested on charges of kidnaping and robbing a policeman, looting a cafe, shaking down a pedestrian, shooting another and holding up a liquor store twice, he told cops that he was a Bible salesman.

Head Set. In Toledo, Ohio, hit by a car, Sadie McGrath, 70, indignantly rejected a policeman's suggestion that she see a doctor, declared: "I have an appointment with my hairdresser, and I'm not going to break it."

Family Plan. In San Francisco, the Obelisk gallery took an ad in the Chronicle, warning the thieves who niched two gold trinkets from gallery shelves that "these are Berber Fertility Rings from North Africa and have been most effective in the past."

Prepared. In Bangor, Me., after police nabbed a 14-year-old boy trying to crack the safe of St. Mary's Roman Catholic Church, he explained that he had found his way through the darkened building by lighting an application card for a Boy Scout merit badge.

Checkmated. In Riverside. Calif., searching for the health department, where he planned to get a blood test, Prospective Bridegroom Emory Mink, 23, opened the wrong door, walked into the sheriff's office, was recognized and arrested on a traffic charge, but was allowed to get married and have a 15-minute honeymoon before starting his six-month jail sentence.

Change of Heart. In Milwaukee, ex-Felon Edward Dolan assured the district attorney that he had traded the life of crime for a life of love, said that he had not been convicted for robbery in years, pointed out that he was living with one woman, had been turned in to police by another who was jealous of a third, had ditched at least 27 others in the last seven months, mused: "I read lots of books on the behavior of females."

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