Impious Tales

Humor's the true Democracy.

--R. U. Johnson, Divided Honors

From solons to saloonkeepers, every wag had his political gag as the election moon waxed bright. The word around the Pentagon last week was that if Nelson Rockefeller believes the nation needs $3 billion more for defense, "why doesn't he write a check?" New York Times Pundit Arthur Krock figured that "the inter partisan confusion could now be resolved if the Democrats would nominate their favorite Republican, Rockefeller, and the Republicans their favorite Democrat, Lyndon Johnson." In the Senate, Minnesota's Eugene McCarthy spotted the reason his favorite candidate, Hubert Humphrey, lost the West Virginia primary: "Hubert told the Protestants not to vote for him for religious reasons, Jack Kennedy told the Catholics not to vote for him for religious reasons, and Hubert was just more persuasive."

Other impious tales current in the nation last week:

P: Adlai Stevenson and aides encounter Nikita Khrushchev during his visit to the U.S.:

Nikita: I have some tips for you on how to seize power.

Adlai (horrified): That's not the way we do things here.

Aide to Adlai: Shut up and listen--he might have something.

P: Father Joe Kennedy sits down for a man-to-man talk with his son, Jack.

Father: What do you want to be, son?

Jack: I want to be President.

Father: I know, I know--but what do you want to be when you grow up?

P: Vice President Nixon is approached by a little old lady after one of his speeches:

Little Old Lady: Is it true, Mr. Nixon, that you were born in a log cabin?

Nixon: No, madam, it is not. Perhaps you were thinking of Abraham Lincoln. I was born in a manger.

P: Three Democratic hopefuls are bantering in the Senate cloakroom:

Symington: I had a dream last night. The good Lord came to me and, in a blaze of white light, he told me he was going to make me President.

Kennedy: That's funny, Stu, I had the same dream.

Johnson: Maybe so, but I don't remember talking to either of you guys last night.

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