1,000 Times No

Most TV drama is atrociously written, but considering the obstacles, it is remarkable that any of it gets written at all. Testifying before the FCC last week, the elders of the advertising profession reported on the infinitely detailed sponsors' commandments that govern TV's script carpenters. Samples:

P:McCann-Erickson for Liggett & Myers (Chesterfields, L & Ms): "No portrayal of pipe or cigar smoking or chewing . . . While we do not want to create an impression of one continual, smoke-filled room, from time to time in the shows we feel 'natural' smoking action is a requisite by the cast. We don't want public criticism in encouraging the too young or 'too young looking' to smoke. On the other hand, the high school and college market is extremely important to Liggett & Myers as future longtime customers."

P: Ted Bates & Co. for Miles Laboratories (Alka Seltzer) on the cartoon series, The Flintstones: "There should be no reference to headache, upset stomach, or the taking of remedies to relieve same."

P:Dancer-Fitzgerald-Sample for General Mills (Wheaties, Kix, Cheerios): "There will be no material that may give offense, either directly or by inference, to any organized minority group, lodge, or other organizational institution, residents of any state or section of the country, or a commercial organization of any sort. This will be taken to include political organizations; fraternal organizations, college and school groups; labor groups, industrial, business and professional organizations; religious orders; civic clubs, memorial and patriotic societies; philanthropic and reform societies (AntiTobacco League, for example); athletic organizations; women's groups, etc. . . . Where it seems fitting, the characters should reflect recognition and acceptance of the world situation in their thoughts and actions, although in dealing with war, our writers should minimize the 'horror' aspects . . References to other cowboy stars should not be used . . . References should not be made to other 'competitive' horses such as 'Trigger,' 'Silver,' et al."

Not included in the FCC testimony was this directive issued by the Prate, Preen and Blough Agency for Blastwell, Inc., small-arms manufacturer: "Competitive methods of 'death' dealing, such as head-bashing, ax-hacking, plank-walking or feeding to soldier ants are prohibited on our private-eye show, Johnny Contusion. Not all actors need be armed, but where it seems 'natural,' Blastwell pistols should be worn. It is absolutely essential that all pistol shots hit their targets. 'Death' should be swift and sure, but on the other hand there should be no shots of messy or dissatisfied-looking 'corpses.' Children under six should show a natural interest in Blastwell firearms, but should not be allowed to fire a gun, except in special circumstances."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.