Charity Case

Western Europe last week was amazed and bemused at the sight of the rich U.S. suddenly talking like a poor relation. Cartoonists pictured a tattered Ike holding out his hat as horrified Economics Min ister Ludwig Erhard told West German Chancellor Adenauer, "He says we have to make the same sacrifices in peacetime as we did during the war!" In Bonn, at a dinner given by the U.S. embassy for Secretary of the Treasury Anderson, one very senior German whispered jokingly to a colleague: "I hope the ambassador can afford to feed us." The London Daily Herald had a nice old British lady tiptoe up to five G.I.s and offer to repay past U.S. generosity by sending food parcels to help "your dear ones over the economic crisis." The Daily Mail's Columnist John Jelley found a silver lining in the gold crisis (see BUSINESS), because now Americans "will be forced to realize that the world is not, after all, half antique shop and half soup kitchen with them as guardian angels of both. And we will once again start looking towards our own ingenuity and enterprise and guts to protect us against the squalls and earthquakes of an unstable world."

Punch hurried valiantly into the breach with a supposititious Tourist Council brochure, which assures impoverished Americans that they are still welcome in Britain, where "our hospitality can be tailored to your diminished purse." Some helpful items:

P:"In the days of your prosperity you would doubtless have made the conventional rounds, London, Stratford, Winchester, Bath, Windsor, walking on a carpet of your own dollars. Today, when every cent must pay its way, new glories await you." In inexpensive Staffordshire, visit "Walsall, one of the few guidebook towns with absolutely nothing under 'Features of Interest'" or "nearby Smethwick, with its locally popular Victoria Public Park (no charge).''

P:"Our free libraries and reading-rooms are ideal for forgetting hunger pangs, and are well patronized by Britons eager to strike up an interesting silence . . . Sympathizers with your plight will readily escort you on tours of gasworks, municipal offices and other near showplaces such as the British Transport Commission or any of the more liberal-minded Catchment [Drainage] Boards." A cheap half-day tour: "two building sites, waits in selected Mayfair bus-queues, a good look at Aldgate Pump."

P:In a final edged note. Punch presents useful new phrases tailored to newly poor U.S. tourists. Recommends Punch: In stead of saying. "Will you folk never learn to make a chilled martini?", say "I am acquiring a taste for mild ale." For "Yeah, we did Scotland last week-end," substitute "I think we can afford the fare to Banbury." For "Keep the change, kid." try "Thank you."

The U.S.'s allies were properly appreciative of the seriousness of the U.S. plight, and in serious moments serious about it. But some found it hard at all times to keep an altogether straight face.

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