Unaccustomed As I Am

FAMOUS LAST WORDS (208 pp.) -- Barnaby Conrad--Doubleday ($3.95).

Apparently having nothing new to say about bullfighting, Barnaby Conrad, the ex-matador (now a 39-year-old man of letters), has collected the dying speeches, curses and quips of the great. As books of this kind frequently do, the volume has a preface by Clifton Fadiman, containing his own favorite examples of words uttered while the toes turned cold (and thought up, one suspects in some cases, well ahead of time). Samples:

Marcus Livius Drusus (?-109 B.C.), Roman tribune: "When will the republic find again a citizen like me?"

Isapwo Muksika Crowfoot (?-1890), Blackfoot chief: "What is life? It is a flash of a firefly in the night. It is a breath of a buffalo in the winter time. It is as the little shadow that runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."

P. T. Barnum (1810-91): "How were the circus receipts today at Madison Square Garden?"

Pauline Bonaparte (1780-1825), Napoleon's favorite sister: "I was always beautiful."

Auguste Comte (1798-1857), French positivist philosopher: "What an irreparable loss!"

Hart Crane (1899-1932), poet, as he jumped into the sea: "Goodbye, every body!" Oliver Goldsmith (1728-74), British poet, playwright and novelist, was asked "Is your mind at ease?" He replied, "No, it is not," and died.

Georg Wilhelm Hegel (1770-1831), German philosopher: "Only one man ever understood me." Then he paused and said: "And he didn't understand me."

Thomas Jonathan ("Stonewall") Jackson (1824-63) : "Let us cross over the river and sit under the shade of the trees." Ronald Knox (1888-1957), English cleric: asked if he would like to hear a passage from his own New Testament, answered faintly, "No," lapsed into unconsciousness, and then just audibly: "Awfully jolly of you to suggest it, though."

Oscar Wilde (1856-1900) called for champagne, saying: "I am dying, as I have lived, beyond my means."

Mohandas Gandhi (1869-1948):"Oh, God."

David Garrick (1717-79), English actor: "Oh, dear!"

Abd-Er-Rahman III (891-961), caliph of Cordoba: "I have now reigned above 50 years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot : they amount to Fourteen: O man, place not thy confidence in this present world."

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