Laugh, Teacher, Laugh

Parents who scorn the "See, See, See" tedium of "basal readers" have long cherished the story about the first-grade teacher who steps out of her wrecked car to cry, "Oh, Oh, Oh--Damn, Damn, Damn." Now the gag has grown to an entire parody of the best-known reader, Fun with Dick and Jane. At this month's convention of the National Education Association, delegates happily passed around the anonymous spoof, Fun with Hamlet and His Friends. Excerpts:

See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, Run. He is going to his mother's room.

"I have something to tell you, mother," says Hamlet. "Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good. I do not like poison. Do you like poison?" "Oh, no, indeed!" says his mother. "I do not like poison."

"Oh, there is Uncle Claudius," says Hamlet. "He is hiding behind the curtain. Why is he hiding behind the curtain? Shall I stab him? What fun it would be to stab him through the curtain." See Hamlet draw his sword. See Hamlet stab. Stab, Hamlet, Stab. See Uncle Claudius' blood. See Uncle Claudius' blood gushing. Gush, Blood, Gush. See Uncle Claudius fall. How funny he looks, stabbed. Ha, ha, ha.

But it is not Uncle Claudius. It is Polonius. Polonius is Ophelia's father.

"You are naughty, Hamlet," says Hamlet's mother. "You have stabbed Polonius."

But Hamlet's mother is not cross. She is a good mother. Hamlet loves his mother very much. Hamlet loves his mother very, very much. Does Hamlet love his mother a little too much? Perhaps. See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, Run. "I am on my way to find Uncle Claudius," Hamlet says. On the way he meets a man. "I am Laertes," says the man. "Let us draw our swords. Let us duel."

See Hamlet and Laertes duel. See Laertes stab Hamlet. See Hamlet stab Laertes.

See Hamlet's mother drink poison. See Hamlet stab King Claudius.

See everybody wounded and bleeding and dying and dead.

What fun they are having!

Wouldn't you like to have fun like that?

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.