The First Leaf

Everyone knows about Adam and Eve. Poets have told the story in rhyme, sculptors in stone. It has been dramatized, analyzed, synthesized and choreographed. But Genesis is hardly chic, and the fashion industry found Women's Wear Daily a more inspiring Bible. Until this month anyway, when Harper's Bazaar had its newest contributing editor take a look at the book. Gloria Guinness is the wife of a British banking tycoon, No. 2 on the Best-Dressed List, and has the sort of detachment that comes from being a woman who does not care what it costs and would sacrifice millions for her right to say it.

As Mrs. Guinness tells it, Eden was something of a bore. "Eve could see that her man was becoming more and more indifferent to her charms. How was she to change the monotony of their lives?" Simple enough. "She picked a large beautiful leaf, and passed it over her face and hair, and then lower and lower along her body, until suddenly, the hand stopped. And Eve knew. And from that moment on the textile industry has ruled the world."

But times have changed. "The Eve of today needs bigger and better leaves to catch the man of her wishes. She also needs instinct, feminine intelligence, and as sharp and observant an eye as any monkey or cat was ever born with." A considerable bank account helps, but Mrs. Guinness is not bothered by such trivia.

What about the dowdies? Those senseless frumps who haven't the instinct, or cash, to wear the right clothes? Mrs. Guinness advises a career for which a uniform is required. "A religious order would be infinitely the best choice." The woman who is not wild about convents can always settle down and start breeding. No one cares what she's wearing then. Even Mrs. Guinness admits that: "Fortunately, we do not have to have our clothes on when busy multiplying ourselves."

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