Clio: Muse of the Minimovies

Last week, with all the poise of a bandy-legged ballerina, the annual TV Emmy Awards program skipped out before the cameras, tripped over its cue cards and fell flat on its face. But that was just for show. Actually, the awards for the best entertainment on TV last year came three days later at Manhattan's Philharmonic Hall. It was called the American TV and Radio Commercials Festival.

While 1,500 tuxedoed admen from the U.S. and 20 foreign countries applauded long and lustily and the orchestra played a medley of jingles, foot-high gold statues of Clio* were awarded for best ads in an astonishing variety of categories, among them dentrifices, men's toiletries, and confections and snacks. This show of pomp for commercials was not wholly absurd. These days, commercials provide TV with some of its finest and funniest minutes--and 30, 20 and 10 of its cleverest seconds. The best of them are really minimovies, and by most accepted criteria--acting, directing, music and cinematography--they are every bit as good as and often better than anything Hollywood grinds out for TV.

Fast, Fast, Fast. Clios for best performance and best transportation spot were won by Actor Lou Jacobi and Hertz Rent A Car for a witty vignette showing Jacobi as a dog-tired businessman dragging into a hotel room behind a babbling bellboy. Pan Am's "Makes the Going Great" was judged the best original jingle; Xerox won in the office-equipment category with a spot showing an executive aging a century or two while waiting for a copy of a letter to be typed.

In the automobile category, Volkswagen stole the show from five other finalists with a droll, lighthearted drama in which two neighbors roll up to their adjacent houses with new cars, Mr. Krempler with a VW, Mr. Jones with an American model. Krempler proceeds to usher in a safari of deliverymen with new appliances bought with the money that he saved by purchasing the lower-priced bug. "Now Mr. Jones is faced with the age-old problem," says the voiceover, "keeping up with the Kremplers."

Excedrin won three Clios for its catalogue of headaches. Example: Headache No. 39, "The Shoe Store":

Clerk: Well, now, as I read this, this is a 7-D.

Lady: Well, that must be the . . . somebody else's foot, not mine. I've always had a 4-AAA.

Clerk: Well, it's growing on the end of your leg--it must be your foot.

Announcer (as clerk reaches for a bottle of Excedrin): Life is full of Excedrin headaches.

If nothing else, the Excedrin spots are guaranteed to bring fast, fast, fast relief from those dreary programs that keep interrupting the commercials.

* The Greek muse of history, whose job it was "to make known, to celebrate, to report, to glorify."

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