Talk to the Animals

All the big names were there. Smoky, the drunken horse from Cat Ballou, Old Fooler, star of The Rounders, and currently seen under Burt Lancaster in The Scalphunters. Mr. Ed and Fury, once title horses in TV series bearing their names. Syn Cat, the cat who was That Darn Cat. Cousin Bessie, the chimp from The Beverly Hillbillies. Bruce, who was the ocelot in Honey West. Rhubarb, who gave that never-to-be-forgotten performance as the cat in Breakfast at Tiffany's. And all the young stars of tomorrow: Willie the bear, soon to make his debut in a new TV series, The Land of Giants; Squirt, the handsome young cheetah, now co-starring in Sweet Charity with Shirley Mac-Laine; Tullia, a brand-new cat star at Universal; Rott, the dog who made a name for himself in The Flying Nun; Scruffy, another dog certainly destined for stardom next fall on NBC's The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.

The list goes on--60, all told. And all of them gathered last week on the grass at Universal City Studios for the 18th annual Patsy Awards. The name Patsy in no way refers to long-suffering audiences who have learned to take Oscars, Obies, Tonys, Emmys, Grammys and Clios in their stride. Actually, Patsy stands for Picture Animal Top Star of the Year (moviewise) and Performing Animal Television Star of the Year (televisionwise). Sponsor of the event is the American Humane Association, watchdog body that protects animals from cruel treatment on TV and movie sets. The judges are newspaper columnists, but neither Price Waterhouse nor a saliva tester authenticates the ballots. The master of ceremonies was a human TV personality, Woody Woodbury, who may go far if the past is any portent. The first M.C., back in 1951, was Ronald Reagan, whom fans will remember for his smooth presentation of the top Patsy Award to Francis the talking mule.

Chicken Agents. The justification for the Patsy Awards is clear enough. Every year animals appear in about 20,000 roles in the movies and on TV. They act their hearts out, but they go largely unsung. There were 12,000 horse appearances in 1967 alone, most of them "N.D.s" (nondescripts, or extras), some of them cast horses (Bonanza's Lorne Greene rides a cast horse), the rest stunt horses who can rear up, buck, play dead and, for all anybody knows, kiss and dance the boogaloo. In the remaining animal roles last year were 21 bears, six crayfish, one anteater and 1,186 chickens. All the animals earned pretty good money, although naturally the most talented ones commanded the biggest fees (highest paid: Lassie, at $60,000 a year).

So the awards ceremonies understandably were filled with emotion, as the horse agents, ocelot agents, bear agents, a macaw agent and the chicken agents assembled with their clients and trainers to receive the big news. To Punkin, the glamorous raven who has been seen in TV's Lassie as well as many pictures, went the special Craven Award. This does not mean that Punkin was a craven raven; the prize, which goes to supporting players, honors the late Richard C. Craven, who was the American Humane Association's first Hollywood director. First prizewinner in films was Ben, the bear actor in the movie Gentle Giant.

Commercial Lions. On the TV side, Arnold the pig waddled away with first prize for his acting in Green Acres. Ben the bear got the second TV prize as additional recognition for his new series Gentle Ben. Clarence, the crosseyed lion, co-star of Daktari, took the third prize. A new award for commercials was given Zamba Jr., the lion who walks up out of a subway station for the Dreyfus investment-fund people. The two top awardees received three-foot-high trophies topped by a winged victory.

As luck would have it, Ben the bear had a film commitment that prevented him from being there to receive his trophy. In the true tradition of show business, he sent a warm telegram of gratitude. One of the other bears accepted the award in Ben's behalf.

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