Monday, Feb. 09, 1970

How to Win Friends

What happens to little girls who actively bid for the approval of other little girls their age? They get it. And what happens to little boys who crave popularity with other little boys? They are scorned. This somewhat unsettling conclusion has been drawn from an experiment staged at two suburban Boston grade schools by Psychologist Lane K. Conn of Boston's Northeastern University. With two research assistants. who suggested the experiment, Conn rated 192 fifth-and sixth-graders on a scale that measured their need for approval. Then his subjects were asked, among other things, to pick the three classmates they would choose for class president, which three they played with most, which three they liked best, and which three least.

Among his girl subjects, Conn found a high correlation between wanting to be liked and being liked, but almost none among the boys. Why? Until Conn evaluates his findings, he can only guess. In this society, he says, dependency is a female role. Hence, little girls openly seeking approval can readily be accepted; they are not violating the rules. The male role, on the other hand, sets a premium on independence, even in grade school. Thus when Conn's male subjects too nakedly showed their need to be liked, they were doomed to rejection.

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