Rough v. Miserable

Sir: It's funny to me that in your hue and cry over the decline of the family [Dec. 28] you didn't cite more alternatives. For instance, marriage is rough, but being unattached is miserable; motherhood is tiring, but childlessness is boring and has no future; being a "nuclear" or isolated family unit is pressure-causing but draws on unseen potential; and most important, that religion is the hope of mankind. Why else would we poor slobs slave away in deference to "the long run" except because it's right?

(MRS.) CAROLINE WHORF Los Angeles

Sir: We may survive the ecological crisis. We may survive the economic crisis. And we may survive the ecclesiastical crisis. But we may not survive the present family crisis. Unless the American family is soon restored to its place of respect and honor, our entire fabric of life in this country will come apart. For the stability of America is dependent on the stability of its family life.

DANNY SCHWAB Santa Barbara, Calif.

Sir: When individuality is becoming a more sought-after commodity, how can people possibly conceive of raising children in day-care centers? If people are not ready to cope with the responsibilities of haying children--spending time with them, guiding their morals, stimulating their thought and providing them with security --then perhaps they should read some birth control literature. A child is as much an individual as any other human. The only useful purpose I can conceive of for a day-care center is aiding in the construction of a world of "mold people." Hitler used day-care centers as an effective means of breaking down family structure, thus creating the "unconcerned German." DANIEL S. SARGIS Nesington, Conn.

Sir: The picture of a man reading to three children who appear to be about four years old, captioned "Children at Day-Care Center--Less frustrated and better wives and mothers": I would like to point out that the mothers may be fancy-free, but all three youngsters are thumb suckers. I see a correlation. Don't you?

(MRS.) VIVIAN THOMPSON Washington, D.C.

Sir: The third leg on one of the family members depicted on the cover of TIME interested me. I thought, perhaps, it might symbolically represent the additional strength necessary for youth to withstand the "vast demands . . . made on the family these days" and to help them face the "forces that are weakening the U.S. family structure."

Or could the third leg simply indicate that something is wrong with the family? RICHARD L. WEAVER II Amherst, Mass.

> No symbolism intended, says Sculptor Marisol. It's just there for balance.

Too Late to Believe

Sir: Your cover story [Dec. 21] presented an excellent picture of Camelot in blue and gold, as well as a clear-cut portrait of our reigning King Arthur, the legendary Admiral Zumwalt. The Arthurian analogy is apt because the C.N.O., too, has his foot-dragging barons and feudal lords opposing his every reform. Only now they've taken the guise of middle-level brass who, having attained a predetermined goal, don't wish to make waves.

Admiral Zumwalt can retire some of the older admirals, exile others to twilight duty, but he can't win. He can select brilliant men like Admirals Kidd and Shanahan, but he still can't win. Within the military Establishment, charisma may occasionally lead a man to prominence, but the overwhelming entrenched mediocrity will finally scuttle him. Inbred, intermarried and intellectually sterile, the system will defeat him.

And when it does, its spokesman will say: "You see, we knew this 'bleeding heart' stuff wouldn't work." And they will blame Admiral Zumwalt, the man who gave us a brief glimpse of what the Navy could be like, given a fair chance --a chance it won't get.

RICHARD S. ROSE Master Chief Journalist, U.S.N.

Sir: The thousands of us who view Admiral Zumwalt as the greatest naval hero since Oliver Hazard Perry may be too sanguine. But now we at least have some reason to believe that the old spirit of "Don't give up the ship" will replace the present attitude of "Don't rock the boat," and that the United States Navy, more compassionate in its policies yet more bold in its actions, will reclaim its proud and lusty tradition.

JAMES C. ROBERTS Lieutenant (j.g.), U.S.N. FPO San Francisco

Sir: It remains simply a matter of pride, principle and professionalism.

The Marine Corps is leaving Mickey Mouse at the doorsteps of the watchmakers and moviegoers, where he should be abandoned. As a noncareer military man, I sincerely hope that our Corps will maintain its policies of meeting its mission with professionalism, of wearing its uniform with pride, and of leaving the press conferences, headlines and permissiveness to the expediency-minded politicians.

WAYNE A. RICH JR. Captain, U.S.M.C. Albany, Ga.

As Easy as That

Sir: Thanks for your article on nursing homes [Dec. 28]. Both the minister and the doctor told me, "Never mind what he [your father] says; just put him in the car and put him in a nursing home." I found it is as easy as that. Once in a nursing home, an elderly person has no opportunity to call for help. I think there should be a closer check on the civil rights and preferences of people in nursing homes. On the other hand, there certainly are some devoted people and fine nursing homes. When we are old, I wonder how they will treat us.

DAVID MORRIS East Lansing, Mich.

Sir: Your picture "Elderly Patients in Nursing Home" was a woeful illustration. Yet for the past four years I have failed to find evidence of quoted complaints from the actual patients themselves or their families.

Surely nursing homes do not impede their patients' freedom of speech. I wonder how many of the patients or their families, having read this article, would agree with Mr. Nader that Mama would be "far better off sharing an apartment with a homicidal son."

JOHN D. YUN, M.D. Havre de Grace, Md.

Sir: It was my mother's decision to go and live out her remaining years in a home for the aged instead of making her home with one of us. She had expected to maintain a degree of independence from her children, find companionship with those of her own generation, receive medical care as she needed it, and enjoy understanding from a knowledgeable and compassionate staff.

Instead, she had to endure degrading indifference or at best patronizing lies, dependency on a callous social-service staff, loss of personal freedom, loss of her right to choose and enjoy competent medical attention and facilities. We stood helpless as we watched the disintegration of this strong and noble person.

At last Ralph Nader has chosen to bring the plight of the aged in homes to the attention of the public. I would that my mother, as well as those who have survived her, had heeded Dylan Thomas' words, "Do not go gently into that good night," but she was too ill and beaten to shout her dismay. Soon it will be our turn. ;

ROSALIE CRANE SCHWARTZ Chicago

A Solemn Occasion

Sir: I am writing to protest your description of Polish families celebrating the Christmas Eve Vigil Dinner "with gluttonous enthusiasm" [Dec. 28]. The Wilia Supper follows a day of fasting. It is a most solemnly celebrated occasion and is so closely connected with family life that members of the family who are away feel very deeply their absence from home.

When the first star appears in the Eastern skies, the family gathers at the table for the Wilia Supper, a feast to commemorate the birth of the God Child. In farm homes, sheaves of grain tied with colored ribbons are placed in the corners of the room, with a silent prayer for a good harvest in the next season. There is always a thin layer of hay under the white tablecloth, in memory of the God Child in the manger.

In every house in Poland, all members of the household, before sitting down at the table, break the traditional wafer, opla-tek, and exchange good wishes. It is known as the Bread of Love. The wafers are sent by mail to the absent members.

The supper itself differs from other evening meals in that the number of courses is fixed at seven, nine or eleven; and in no case must there be an odd number of people at the table--otherwise tradition holds that some of the feasters would not live to see another Christmas. A lighted candle is placed in the window in the hope that the God Child, in the form of a stranger, may come to share the Wilia Supper, and an extra place is set at the table for him. This belief stems from the ancient adage, "Guest in the home is God in the home." This Wilia Supper is always meatless. It is a humble time, a time of prayer and blessings.

(MRS.) MARIANNE REGAN Hazel Park, Mich.

Sir: The Poles succinctly describe their system of Socialism: "They pretend they pay us and we pretend we are working." When your writer suggests that Polish humor is "never rapier-like at best," I think he fails to distinguish between jokes by this spirited people and jokes about them.

GORDON BLACK Boulder, Colo.

Facet of Experience

Sir: Your comments about Kate Millett's sexual preferences [Dec. 14] were unnecessary and irrelevant. Her ideas and theories ought to be judged on their own merits and not in terms of someone's prejudices with regard to proper sexual practices. The suggestion of a direct connection between her sexual orientation and the validity of her ideology is an ad hominem argument. Further, her bisexuality is simply a facet of her experiences as a woman and does not alter the fact that she is a woman.

LORRAINE SEXTON Philadelphia

Sir: Men hate an "uppity" woman; they also hate an "aggressive" woman. Ours has been a Jane Crow society for several thousands of years, and the master group always fears its chattels more than any foreign enemy. When one's inferior status is taken for granted, any attempt on that person's part to assert equality will be regarded as an act of aggression. But does anything in the present situation suggest a complete reversal of female and male roles in our society? Is it likely, for in stance, that women will become the chief breadwinners while men perform domestic chores? Will women become the executives, men the stenographers and clerks? Will men be denied equality under the law, prohibited from voting or managing their own property, kept illiterate, excluded from the professions as well as the most important functions of religion, and restricted to severe monogamy, while their wives flaunt their gigolos and patronize male prostitutes? Will they, in brief, be put in the position that women were in until about fifty years ago when "patriarchy" flourished in its strictest sense?

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" will soon leave everybody blind and toothless.

MARGARET BERNARD East Chicago, Ind.

Fourteen Is Not Twelve

Sir: I find highly objectionable the title of your piece "Profit Without Honor," [Dec. 21] on the musical adaptation of Lolita, as well as your sermonet on the scruples that I once happened to voice concerning its filming. When cast in the title role of Kubrick's neither very sinful nor very immoral picture, Miss Lyon was a well-chaperoned young lady, and I suspect that her Broadway successor will be as old as she was at the time. Fourteen is not twelve, 1970 is not 1958, and the sum of $150,000 is not correct.

VLADIMIR NABOKOV Montreux, Switzerland

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