While crowds of British vacationers gaped, the airplane came in at 1,200 ft., slowed to 120 m.p.h. Out popped an unlikely parachutist: Prince Charles, in wet suit, crash helmet and goggles, equipped with a whistle and a smoke flare in case he got lost. Not bloody likely. Standing by, according to the London Times, were "enough assault craft to have assaulted half of southern England." Teeth chattering, the 22-year-old prince was hauled into a boat within 20 seconds, fed soup, and later appeared on deck celebrating the end of his five-month flying course by sipping a suspiciously non-soupy substance. Said his Aunt Margaret: "The whole idea makes me feel sick."

Many great composers have written a Mass to prove their ultimate skill. Latest to try is Leonard Bernstein, who had already set a Hebrew prayer for the dead (Kaddish) to music in his third symphony. By all accounts, his trip through the Roman Catholic liturgy will be something to see as well as hear. Along with the usual array of orchestra, choir and soloists, the Alvin Ailey dance company will appear before scenery by Oliver Smith. "It is an entirely new concept," says Bernstein, but he refuses to give many details. "I don't want to take away any of the fun." Fun or not, the faithful will have to wait until September for the premiere. The Bernstein Mass will inaugurate Washington's new Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts on Sept. 8.

When President Nixon saw a newspaper photo of Soviet Cosmonaut Georgy Dobrovolsky's daughter Maria at the Kremlin wall mourning her father's death, he sat down and wrote his own longhand condolences: "Like your father I also have two daughters and their hearts go out to you as do Mrs. Nixon's and mine. But I know your father would want you to face his loss with a strength and courage to match his own. As your sister Natasha grows older I know you will help her understand how very proud of her father you both should be."

When World War II ended, among the mysteriously missing was Martin Bormann, last deputy and close adviser of Adolf Hitler. Was he dead, or hiding? Nobody admits knowing. Now Bormann's son, Adolf Martin Bormann, is also missing, but for more romantic reasons. The 41-year-old Bormann, who became a priest in 1958, has left the order of the Sacred Heart of Jesus to marry. Bormann is waiting final clearance from the Vatican to wed a former nun in the Dominican order, so far identified only as "Sister Cordula."

"I was in the red when I left No. 10, and I'm still in the red," announced Britain's former Prime Minister Harold Wilson. For proof, he let his latest bank statement be photographed; it showed a hefty overdraft. "It represents," Wilson quipped wanly, "a sort of balance-of-payments crisis." Dubious Britons noted that he has just sold his memoirs to the Sunday Times for such poundage that even Timesman reportedly were afraid to admit the price. Insiders guess Wilson's fee is between $576,000 and $624,000--enough to turn all his red ink black.

Critics tend to be unpopular at best. The public often disagrees with them; their victims resent them. And some-times the victims fight back. Fashion Designer Yves Saint Laurent, still smarting from slaps at his spring collection, took no chances this time. Paris' famed dress dictator displayed his fall-winter creations but barred the door to previously unfriendly viewers. Among the uninvited were Syndicated Columnist Eugenia Sheppard and various disgruntled experts from France's influential Le Monde and a leftist daily called Combat. Said the latter: "It's their fascist side. One must close one's eyes and clap, or else be punished. In general, poor sports are unsure of their talents."

Bertolt Brecht in the throes of puppy love? Well, yes. Germany's polemical playwright had his silly side, according to Paula Banholzer, who had a son by Brecht 52 years ago when she was only seventeen. They had a beautiful time together, Paula reminisced to Germany's Der Spiegel. Once Brecht saw Paula at her second-story window and struck up a conversation; when his neck got stiff from looking up, he simply lay down in the street and continued chatting. As for Brecht's boast that being on a swing was as beautiful as making love, Paula scoffs. She recalled that he regularly got sick on a swing. "He had trouble with his stomach," she says, "but it may have been his heart too."

"If a former actor can become Governor of California, surely a former Governor can become an actor." With those words ex-Governor Pat Brown took his place before the cameras for his dramatic debut in the legal-medical TV series, The Bold Ones. Brown, now a practicing attorney, plays a judge; he rests between takes in a director's chair laconically stenciled RONNIE.

The Today show began innocently enough, with Edwin Newman introduc-ing Guest George Jessel and settling down for another innocuous celebrity interview. Jessel, dressed in an Army uniform he had bought himself and had decorated with stars, bars and ribbons, began talking about American troops in Europe. In a calculated slip of the tongue, he pretended to confuse the New York Times with Pravda. A bit later, Jessel took the same crack at the Washington Post. Unamused, Newman rose to the defense of the press. Huffily he reminded Jessel of his guest status, then said by way of dismissal: "Thank you very much." Apologized Jessel: "I won't say it again." Newman: "I agree that you won't. Thank you very much." Jessel: "I just want to say one thing before I leave." Newman: "Please don't." End of interview.

It was downright humiliating. There was poor old Jimmy Ellis training for the fight of his life and all that anyone talked about was who Muhammad Ali would meet after he polished off Jimmy What's-His-Name. Trouble was, Ellis was Ali's longtime friend and former sparring partner. They even had the same trainer. Thus the prospect of Ali meeting someone he had already sparred with for 1,000 rounds or so was about as exciting as the late, late, late show. Ellis made menacing noises and Ali tried to work up his customary public fury over his opponent, but the end was inevitable. Ali won easily in the twelfth round. "There was no use hitting him any more," said the former champ. "He's a family man with children."

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