Arthur Bremer's Notes from the Underground

As the scribblings found in his apartment indicate, Arthur Bremer considered himself something of a writer. One of his most telltale works is a theme written in October 1968, during his senior year, in high school. Entitled "Guitar," it begins by describing some weekly guitar lessons taken by a boy named Paul. The boy's instructor is George, who teaches at a Milwaukee music school at "twentieth and Greenfield." Midway, the theme abruptly turns to reflections on "Paul's" home life:

IN all the families on television, the mother was a pretty high school graduate and never thought of not feeding her kids meals. The mothers of television always smiled at their kids and kissed their foreheads. My mother was not like that. My mother did not kiss me. She would not say "hello" to me after I came into the house from school.

I used to hate those television mothers. Now I hate Mom. I dreamed about Donna Reed, my television mother, cooking dinner for me and kissing my forehead.

If Dad were only married to Donna Reed! Man!

Dad was all right. He drove a lousy truck for a living. I thought he would be happy with Donna Reed. Dad did not have many friends. He only had Mom. So he would not leave her no matter what.

I remember how he would come home after work. He would be tired and have a hungry gut. He would complain that Mom was not feeding my younger brother or him or me. Mom would shout. Dad would swear, and my younger brother would cry. Mom and Dad threw things at each other. I could hear them even though I was in the bedroom and my pillow was over my ears. I tried to think about pretty Donna Reed while Dad shouted and swore.

I liked to think that I was living with a television family and there was no yelling at home, and no one hit me. Mom hit me. Mom hit me a lot when Dad was not around. I could see the bumps on my head when I got a short hair cut.

Kids at school laughed when they saw my bumpy head. They were having fun and something was funny. I wanted to have fun. I laughed. Then they laughed harder.

"Hey Paul! Come here. Show us your duck walk!"

"Like this? Roger like..."

"Oh I can't stand it! Look at that dumb guy!"

"Quack. Like this Roger? Quack."

Roger was one of my best friends.

I liked him, and I made him laugh. He made me smile and have good fun.

It was Wednesday again and I went to twentieth and Greenfield. George wanted to talk with my parents about getting rid of the plain guitar I rented from the music school. He wanted Dad to buy a $215 electric guitar and amplifier. There were always a lot of expensive guitars on display at the music school.

Dad and I went to twentieth and Greenfield on Saturday, and I knew I was not going to get the guitar. Dad always said, "Live within your means," whenever he did not want to spend money. I stood beside Dad in the music school. I did not argue because I knew I was not going to get the dumb guitar. George and Dad talked a long time.

When they talked, I just looked at my shoe laces. I dreamed my shoe laces were big snakes and they were crawling up my legs, and it was dark, and I was lost in Africa, and Dad was too busy to save me. Mom was talking to that nice man next door, and they were smiling at each other and too busy for me. Donna Reed was pulling at the snakes to save me, but I did not care. I pushed Donna Reed away from me. I wanted to die. I wanted to be cremated and have the ashes thrown in George's face. I did not like Dad either.

When we left the music school, Dad and I did not say anything. Dad drove his old car to a few taverns and celebrated. He told everyone how he "fixed some smart guy that tried to start a fight with me."

Next day I threw a brick and broke the big display window at the music school. I ran fast and nobody knew who did it. George was crazy.

Bremer's teacher wrote: "An excellent creation of the troubled young man of today's and yesterday's world. You can be very proud of this work!" The grade marked on the paper: A.

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