Black Day in Brussels

Osborne House, located opposite Common Market headquarters in Brussels, is a shop that specializes in providing British delicacies for Englishmen who would like a homey respite from the rigorous riches of continental cuisine. There can be found Frank Cooper's Vintage Oxford Marmalade, shortback Wiltshire bacon and Gentlemen's Relish, as well as Stilton, Cheshire, Caerphilly and Wensleydale cheeses. Until recently Osborne House also carried Melton Mowbray pork pies and bangers (sausages), not to mention Rose's Lime Juice, without which no true Englishman can survive abroad.

Not any more. In an uncharacteristic burst of zeal, Belgian customs officials have lately taken to strict enforcement of the fiendishly exact regulations drawn up by the Belgian government and the EEC, concerning the quality of ingredients in food and beverage imports, something they seldom did in the days before Britain entered the EEC. Ronald Davidson, owner of Osborne House, has pleaded that the pork pies fit into the allowed category of pate en croute, that his sausages are really boudin blanc, and that Rose's Lime Juice is a permissible fruit extract. But the continental customs men--to whom a British delicacy is a contradiction in terms, anyway--have turned a deaf ear.

So has the EEC. "If Osborne House believes it has a genuine case," says one Dutch-born Eurocrat, "the British government can lodge a formal protest in Brussels." Formal protest notwithstanding, some of Davidson's customers have grown so desperate that they are bringing in their own vital supplies, raising the specter of a black market in pork pies and lime juice.

"Why on earth did we join?" asks one English expatriate in exasperation. "That bunch in the Common Market is making life harder, not easier. The next thing you know they'll be tampering with English beer." Little does he know. English beer, along with European brews, is already the subject of an EEC investigation to determine whether additives like stabilizers (used to prevent frothing during shipment) should be allowed. If the decision is no, Whitbread's, Bass and Watney's could also be banned from the Common Market.

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