The Hill Country Sayin's of Sam Ervin

"I found that an apt story is worth an hour of argument," says North Carolina's Sam Ervin. "A story that fits a point that you're trying to make sort of tends to arouse your audience, to get their attention if you're about to lose it. And a good story is a good way to relieve tension." Thus Ervin sums up his liberal use of hill-country anecdotes and other witticisms to make points in congressional debate or simply to amuse his friends. A sampling of the Senator's folksy stories on a variety of subjects:

ON DRINKING: A constituent of mine bought some moonshine liquor and gave a portion to a friend. Sometime thereafter my constituent asked his friend what he thought of the liquor. "Well, it was just right," said the friend.

"What do you mean, 'just right'?" my constituent retorted.

"I mean that if it had been any better, you wouldn't have given it to me," the friend replied. "And if it had been any worse, I couldn't have drunk it."

ON IGNORANCE: There is this man who is known as the most ignorant man in Burke County, North Carolina. Somebody once asked him if he knew what county he lived in, and he answered flat out, "Nope." They asked him if he knew the name of the state, and he again answered, "Nope." Well, they then asked if he had ever heard of Jesus Christ. "No," he answered. Finally, they asked if he had ever heard of God. "I believe I have," he said. "Is his last name Damn?"

ON BIG WORDS: I once knew this preacher back home who liked to use words that he sometimes didn't quite understand. One time he brought in a visiting preacher, and after introducing him to the congregation he told him to preach loud, "because the agnostics in this church are not very good."

ON LAWYERS: There was a young lawyer who showed up at a revival meeting and was asked to deliver a prayer. Unprepared, he gave a prayer straight from his lawyer's heart: "Stir up much strife amongst the people, Lord," he prayed, "lest thy servant perish."

ON JURIES: One time when I was presiding over a murder trial in Burke County, they had special veniremen summoned in from another county to make sure that the accused got a fair hearing. I asked one of these jurors if he could be fair, and he answered: "I think he is guilty of murder in the first degree, and he ought to be sent to the gas chamber. But I can give him a fair trial."

ON POLITICS: People in public life are sometimes subject to the same embarrassment as that of a young man who was persuaded to become a candidate for the state legislature. His father tried to talk him out of it. "Son, don't go into politics. Before it's over, they'll accuse you of stealing a horse." Sure enough, the young man lost and went back home where his father recalled his horse-stealing prediction. "Pa, it was much worse than that," the young man lamented. "They dern near proved it on me."

ON SENATORS: Once a question was put to a Senate chaplain, Edward Everett Hale. "Doctor, when you pray, do you look at the tragic condition of the country and then pray that the Almighty will give the Senators the wisdom to find solutions?" The chaplain replied, "No, I do not. I look at the Senators and pray for the country."

ON NEWSMEN AND THE PRESS: I am one of the few men in public life who doesn't complain much about his treatment at the hands of the press. The press takes me to task every once in a while, but they have always been very kind, not attributing my hypocrisy to bad motives. They have always attributed it to a lack of mental capacity.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.