What Reelly Happened

When the White House disclosed that two of nine Watergate tapes had in fact never existed, Mrs. Diane Kincaid's political science and American government students at the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville greeted the announcement with a mixture of astonishment and dismay. "It struck the students as rather comical and extremely hard to believe," said Mrs. Kincaid. So on an exam she challenged them to provide their own explanations for the missing tapes, offering an extra point or two for answers "demonstrating exceptional insight and/or imagination."

One student felt the disappearance was owing to the energy crisis: "Nixon is burning the tapes for fuel since he has turned the White House thermostat down." Another found cinematic possibilities: "Spiro got them for John Wayne, who will make a film entitled Who Slew Dickey-Poo? It will be filmed in Paranoia." Yet another suggested that "Pat Gray threw the tapes away in his Christmas trash." Other explanations were tonsorial ("Haldeman made his new hairpiece out of synthetic materials made from shredded tapes"), recreational ("Bebe Rebozo made them into eight-track tapes and plays them on his yacht"), even sporting: "Nixon was watching the Redskins football game on TV. He had the tapes in his hands, and when the other team scored a winning touchdown, he got so angry that he tore the tapes to pieces." Perhaps the simplest reply: "Nixon knew that sooner or later he would have to eat his words on Watergate, so he ate the tapes."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.