Assignment: Assertion

The supervisor strolled casually over to one of the secretaries. "Do me a favor, will you? Stop by the bank on your lunch hour to pay my phone bill--and still get back on time." Coolly, with only a flicker of hesitation, the secretary answered: "Look, I love working with you, but I feel very strongly that people in secretarial positions should not be asked to do personal favors for their bosses."

Such a rejoinder would not be universally applauded. But students observing the mock confrontation in Washington, D.C., considered the answer perfect. The scene was staged during a ten-week course called "Assertiveness Training," the most popular offering in George Washington University's division of continuing education for women. Taught by Psychologist Roland Tanck, the program is one of hundreds of "assertiveness" courses that have recently sprung up at universities and counseling centers.

Though some of the courses are geared toward both sexes, most concentrate on women. "Traditionally, women have been unassertive," explains Psychologist Arthur Lange, who teaches a course to overcome the problem at the Counseling Center of Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. "They have played the roles men and society have given them rather than seeking their own." Women's liberation, he points out, has thrust them into new roles without giving them the skills to play them.

Non-assertiveness takes a variety of forms. Judith Jones, a graduate of a Manhattan course, points out: "I was the kind of person who was grateful for every promotion I got, when actually, goddammit, I had earned them." Stanlee Phelps, a psychiatric social worker who helps to teach courses at a community health center in Thousand Oaks, Calif., says: "You wouldn't believe the degree of non-assertiveness we've found at the start of our classes: divorced women who continue to do their ex-husbands' laundry, fearing that they will lose their support money if they refuse; wives who sit quietly while their husbands blame recessionary business slumps directly on them." In one of the many new books on the subject, The Assertive Woman (Impact), Phelps and Co-Teacher Nancy Austin note that women are victims of the "compassion trap"--the need to serve others and provide tenderness and compassion at all times.

As the classes progress, the women discuss their problems and act out some hypothetical conflicts, like dealing with an overpassionate boy friend or an excessively demanding boss. They practice refusing a request by using some techniques already familiar to other women who, though unschooled in the art, are naturally talented in assertiveness. When the asker is especially persistent, for example, the women may use the "broken record" technique: a simple, repeated no. Another favorite of assertiveness teachers is "fogging"--saying no while generously agreeing with one's adversary. ("I'm sure that as you say, I need these encyclopedias. But I'm not buying them anyway.")

Traumatic Results. Some instructors give homework assignments. Phelps and Austin tell their students to ask for only 50 cents' worth of gas at the filling station, then demand that the attendant wash the car windows. Or they suggest that students request a demonstration of a product in a department store and then walk away without buying.

Results of the courses can be traumatic, especially at home. As they gain new assertiveness, some women vent their pent-up anger on their husbands or boy friends. In a few cases, such emotions have triggered divorces. Psychologist Lange, for one, warns women of the hazards at the start of his course, and will even talk with husbands if trouble develops. "Sudden changes in behavior," he warns, "can be dangerous."

Nevertheless, the vast majority of women seem to enjoy their new selves. A number of students have asked for and received promotions or raises or embarked on new careers. The most surprising impact may be on Teacher Tanck, who is basically shy. "The class really needs a showman," he says self-deprecatingly. "But they are working on me. I'm getting more assertive."

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