"Most baffling of all is his sex life," concluded Actor Rod Steiger after looking into the life and lines of Comedian W.C. Fields. "What did he really think about women? There are no good clues." Steiger stars in the film W.C. Fields and Me with Valerie Perrine, who portrays the former movie extra who lived with Fields for many years. He has studied for his role by watching old Fields movies at home and going to bed at night with the comedian's recorded voice playing through his earphones. "There are some remarkable similarities in our lives," says the actor. "Fields left home at eleven; I left home at twelve. He worked delivering ice in Philly; I worked delivering ice in Newark." The physical similarities are less precise, however, and Steiger requires a two-hour makeup job before stepping in front of the cameras. As for Fields' distinctive voice, Steiger has asked the film crew to forgo their Fields impressions on the set. "It's so catching," he explains. "Everyone thinks they can do it, but it only throws me off."

From the look of things at San Clemente, the quiet convalescence of Richard Nixon may be coming to an end. No longer bothered by the limp that resulted from his phlebitis and surgery, the former President has been seen strolling through his Casa Pacifica grounds with old Administration standbys, including former Attorney General John Mitchell, Banker Bebe Rebozo and former Military Adviser Jack Brennan. Wife Pat, meanwhile, has been busily tending to the Nixon estate, directing the work of her gardener and occasionally doing some pruning and weeding of her own. Last week, the former First Lady left her gardening chores to attend the dedication of the new Pat Nixon School in Cerritos, Calif. "I always thought that only those who were gone--I mean really gone--had a school named for them," said Pat cheerily. "I'm glad to tell you that I'm not gone."

Once there was a young girl called Margaux Hemingway, who had a pretty face and lived in Ketchum, Idaho. Although her grandfather Ernest had been a famous novelist, Margaux wanted to be a model, and so one day she moved away to New York City. There she met a hamburger heir named Errol Wetson, fell in love and planned to be married. At the same time, her pretty face began appearing on the cover of magazines like Vogue and Town & Country, making Margaux believe that she lived in the best of all possible worlds. Last week, however, life began looking better still after Faberge offered Margaux a contract: if she would help advertise a new fragrance, which does not yet have a name, the perfume people would pay her $1 million. "This could be the largest single package ever offered to a model," said Richard Barrie, executive vice president of Faberge. "We are very pleased," said the hamburger heir solemnly. "Yippee! Skippee!" rejoiced Margaux, who suddenly found herself with a pretty face and a nice round figure besides.

"If I had not become Miss U.S.A., I would have become a counselor for the Girl Scouts this summer," said Summer Bartholomew, 23, sounding like any old girl-next-door. After collecting this year's Miss U.S.A. crown at Niagara Falls, however, the Merced, Calif., beauty has forsaken the scouting life for the banquet circuit and a shot at the Miss Universe title in San Salvador in a month. On her first-ever visit to New York City, Summer talked about her victory ("My first thought was to thank the Lord") and her recent trip to Niagara Falls ("That's where my honeymoon is going to be"). Then, explaining that she had been named after Summer Olson, friend of the Steve Canyon cartoon character, the new Miss U.S.A. revealed a secret and rather quixotic ambition. Said she: "I hope some day to meet Steve Canyon."

At least it never came to this in those old Rock Hudson and Doris Day pictures. Long an abstainer from film nudity, Hudson will bare more than his sparkling teeth in Embryo, a new movie directed by Ralph Nelson. In the picture, Hudson portrays a medical researcher who raises an embryo in his laboratory. Trouble is, Dr. Rock mixes the wrong ingredients, and presto, a fragile fetus becomes a fetching filly played by Barbara Carrera, a Nicaraguan fashion model. Hudson and Carrera quickly get down to more basic research, including a fireside frolic in the buff. "When a scene demands it, that's that," said Hudson, who has been swimming to get in shape for the role. "I have absolute faith in Ralph's innate good taste." Maybe, but what would Doris say?

After hacking away at Washington politicians all day, what does Investigative Columnist Jack Anderson do for relaxation at night? Hack away at boards, of course. "I began doing the sport about three years ago," says Anderson about his interest in karate and the martial arts. "It's good exercise and of course that's important. And I enjoy doing things with the kids. We horse around in the basement with this stuff and have fun." To show how much fun it is, Anderson teamed up with a fellow karate enthusiast, Washington Redskins Coach George Allen, for a board-breaking exhibition at the Capital Centre in suburban Maryland. Anderson, however, showed that punching lumber can be tougher than hitting typewriter keys. While a crowd of 7,000 looked on, the columnist karate-chopped a stack of wood --and cracked a bone in the knuckle of his little finger.

"The greatest thing New Orleans has to offer is a step into the past, not a cheesy replica of it," complained TV talk Master Dick Cavett. Accompanied by his wife, Mississippi-born Actress Carrie Nye, Cavett had come to New Orleans for a visit and found that some favorite landmarks were missing. "People who live here all the time maybe don't notice it, but it's heartbreaking," said Cavett after surveying the rubble of the historic St. Charles Hotel and the debris of the French Market renovation. "Don't they understand they're destroying an international landmark? It's like putting arms back on the Venus de Milo," he grumbled, "like fixing up the Colosseum in Rome and staging live gladiator events, or like filling in the Grand Canyon and putting up a patio and serving dinosaur burgers."

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