Although they will play to 1.5 million fans during their three-month tour of the Americas, Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones are only tourists in some places. After two performances at the San Antonio Convention Center, the British rock megastars decided to pose for pictures at a famous Texas landmark. As they gathered together near a wooden door, it suddenly opened and a woman in her 60s emerged. "Would you mind not leaning against the door?" she snapped. "You're blocking our way to the Alamo." Jagger & Co. stepped aside and regrouped for their photo, then headed for their next concert in Kansas City. "I don't know what it is or where it is," joked Jagger of the Alamo later, "but we'll never play it again."

Not content to duel Hugh Hefner on the newsstands, Penthouse Publisher Bob Guccione seems determined to outdo the Playboy prince in the real estate department too. Guccione has paid more than $1 million in cash for the 40-room Manhattan mansion that once belonged to Financier Jeremiah Milbank, and he is preparing to spend another $1 million or so to have it "all redone in Italian Renaissance, very classical and simple." Besides a Roman-bath swimming pool and quarters for nine live-in servants, Guccione's digs will also feature accommodations for visiting Penthouse pets, but with some differences from Hefner's 74-room Bunny Hutch in Chicago. "In Hefner's place, the girls live in dormitories and they pay rent," Guccione explains. "In my place, they'll be there as guests while they're in town."

"Edith said it best: It's more important to have a good divorce than a good marriage because it lasts longer," reflected Author Clifford Irving. Even so, Irving, 44, and his wife, 39, seem to have settled for just an estrangement. Since serving 17% months in jail for masterminding the Great Howard Hughes Hoax of 1972, Irving has been living in East Hampton, Long Island, where he is "plugging away on a novel." Edith has retreated to the Spanish island of Ibiza. Although she painted in prison, Edith abandoned her craft for almost a year after her release. She has since returned to work, and this week opened an exhibit on Ibiza. "A lot of things we did in prison, we didn't want to do for a while afterward," explained Cliff. "I don't eat apples any more."

What is it worth to have lunch with New York's Jacob Javits in the Senate Dining Room? $325. To spend an evening with Summer Bartholomew, Miss U.S.A.? $1,000. To be able to jog around in a beat-up pair of sneakers once owned by Basketball Star Julius Erving? $201. These and other market values were set at what one TV critic described as "an upper-middle-class version of Let's Make a Deal," a nine-day fund-raising auction held onscreen by New York's public television station WNET. While some 500 celebrities acted as auctioneers, WNET viewers phoned in bids on donated goods and services ranging from Warren Beatty's working script for Shampoo ($250) to a night at the opera with Actor Tony Randall ($1,000). WNET officials reckoned that the auction would net the station nearly $1 million, which is a lot of old sneakers.

"She shaped my whole life," declared Betty Ford of the elder stateswoman of modern dance, Martha Graham, 81. "She gave me the ability to stand up to all the things I have had to go through, with much more courage than I would have had without her." The First Lady, 57, was having her first reunion with her former mentor in more than three decades. Back in the late 1930s, Mrs. Ford was Betty Bloomer from Grand Rapids, a tyro member of the Graham entourage. After watching a brief rehearsal at the Graham school in Manhattan, Betty gave Martha a $125 check for a ticket to a benefit performance this week on behalf of her company. "The dance, or her memory of it, has kept her beautiful," observed the instructor of her former pupil. Had the world lost a potential star when Betty abandoned her first career years ago? "It takes ten years to make a dancer," replied Graham tactfully. "She wasn't with me long enough to say."

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