Ties That Bind

Jackie and Aristotle Onassis reportedly drew up a 170-point marriage contract covering every possible detail of their married life. In 1969, Kleenex Heir James Kimberly, then 63, and his third wife, Jacqueline Trezise, then 19, signed a prenuptial contract limiting any possible alimony payments to $18,000 for every year of marriage. Her divorce lawyer is now seeking a larger settlement on the grounds that she was "a mere schoolgirl" when she signed.

The well-to-do have long used marriage contracts to protect their wealth from the caprices of divorce courts. But now contracts are increasingly popular among educated, middle-class couples who have their own misgivings about traditional marriage. Feminism is playing a driving role. So is the rising divorce rate. Torn between the need for companionship and the notion that marriage is a trap, many of the young want their expectations and rules for married life clearly laid out in a contract.

Petty Issues. One student of such agreements, Cleveland Sociologist Marvin B. Sussman of Case Western Reserve University, has made a comprehensive study of marriage contracts. He has compiled more than 1,500 such documents. Typically, the contracts shuttle between large and petty issues. Some provisions in one: "Ralph agrees not to pick, nag or comment about Wanda's skin blemishes," "Wanda will refrain from yelling about undone chores until Sunday afternoon," and both parties agree to avoid using the words "married to, married, husband, wife . . . and other derogatory terms." More seriously, the couple agreed to allow extramarital affairs, keep separate bank accounts, and not have children--at least until the five-year contract comes up for renewal.

The gut issues in most contracts are money, sex and responsibilities in the home. Economic provisions generally aim at equality--sometimes by pooling income and assets and agreeing to divide them evenly in case of divorce. If the wife works, partners usually keep resources separate and share expenses.

Husbands commonly waive their legal right to determine where the couple will live, and agree to do half of the household chores. Many provisions emphasize privacy and freedom, calling for separate rooms and nights out. Extramarital affairs, says Sussman, bring "the greatest amount of inconsistency and confusion." Some contracts permit affairs, though there are often rules about how long an affair can go on without one's married partner being informed.

Some couples agree to turn over important unresolved disputes to an impartial arbitrator. In fact, some of Sussman's contracts, which he calls "therapeutic," were written in mid-marriage with the help of a therapist or counselor, mainly to "get the most obvious kinds of annoying behavior out on the table." Two representative provisions: "Wife will not say she does not believe her husband loves her" and "husband will lift the toilet seat before urinating."

Private marriage contracts are legally ambiguous, even when they are drawn up by lawyers, signed by witnesses and properly notarized. Contracts or no, courts will usually not intervene in a marriage or enforce any private contract provision that differs with state marriage law. Thus a wife whose marriage contract waives alimony and grants her husband the right to have extramarital affairs could conceivably win a divorce on the grounds of adultery and get her alimony too. But contracts between unmarried lovers are not limited by established marriage law. If a couple wants to make sure that their agreement has legal force, advises New York Feminist Lawyer Brenda Feigen Fasteau, "They should stay unmarried," in which case their contract is like any other private agreement between individuals.

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