A Gluteal Maximalist

Hands off fannies

The defendant called it a bum rap. Yes, he had fondled the buttocks of a woman, without her consent, on a rush-hour New York subway car. But no, it could not be considered sexual abuse. His argument: state legal precedent on sexual abuse lists "breast" and "genital areas" as private parts, but excludes the buttocks.

Now Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Benjamin Altman has delivered the bottom line. He has ruled that the buttocks can henceforth be considered private parts in New York State, and that fanny fondling is indeed sexual abuse. Said the judge: "If the alleged occurrence had in fact taken place in an area where the social mores condone the unconsented touching or pinching of the buttocks (rumor has it that Italy may be such an area), perhaps the defendant's position could be sustained. However, here the touching of a woman's buttocks without her consent is not treated so cavalierly as in some environs." Though the defendant has not yet been sentenced, he faces a fine and up to three months in jail. qed

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