For weeks tout Detroit had been salivating over what figured to be a Motown massacre, a bitter, high-stakes divorce hearing pitting Auto Mogul Henry Ford II, 62, against estranged Second Wife Maria Cristina Vettore Ford, 49. How much of Ford's wealth could the Italian beauty he had fallen for during a 1960 dinner at Maxim's in Paris claim after ten years of marriage and five more of separation? What barbs might the tempestuous two hurl at each other? Would Ex-Model Kathleen DuRoss, 40, current good friend of Henry's, be summoned to testify? Alas, the gossips were doomed to disappointment. With the hearing barely begun last week, lawyers worked out an "equitable" settlement. Part of the deal was that no details would be revealed, aside from the fact that the carmaker had won possession again of the family mansion on Grosse Pointe's Lakeshore Drive that he moved out of on Dec. 23, 1975. But Detroiters figured the E.P.A. (for estimated percentage of Henry's assets) rating at 18%, meaning a cool $15 million lump sum for the ex-Mrs. Ford from her ex-husband's $85 million or so fortune.

Any real-life boss who found himself with a secretarial pool consisting of self-starters like Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton would be afraid to make waves. But in Nine to Five, which the three are shooting together in Hollywood, their reel-life boss is so tyrannical they spend perfectly good clock-watching time fantasizing ways to get him into hot water. Some ways are slightly extreme: rat poison in the coffee Tomlin is required to fetch him, for example. But the movie is played for laughs, and in the end stenovirtue triumphs when the underlings reorganize the office to make it function better bossless. Setting aside what Fonda calls "egos and insecurities," the three actresses are getting along famously. Says Parton, who is taking her first fling at the flicks: "I always heard that making movies was hard. But if all of them are like this, I'm going to love it."

Usually the Vatican's gilded Hall of the Consistory is reserved for sacred rites. This time, however, a flock of first-nighters led by Pope John Paul II himself, in a front-row-center armchair, filled the hall for a special performance of Polish Playwright Andrzej Jawien's allegory, The Goldsmith's Shop. The play, about three married couples with differing problems and a goldsmith who represents God, drew a chorus of clerical bravos, which was no surprise. Jawien was the nom de plume under which John Paul, then Polish Bishop Karol Wojtyla, wrote the play 20 years ago. The playwright-turned-Pontiff had never before seen his work done, and he was delighted. "After tonight's performance," he smiled, "there's some hope for my poetry too."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised," former First Lady Betty Ford said in response to a White House interview question about what she would do if her daughter confided she was having an affair. "I would certainly counsel and advise her on the subject." Lately, it appears, counsel and advice have been needed not by Betty and Gerald Ford's married daughter Susan, 22, but by their single third son Steven, 23, a blond, good-looking California college student and would-be actor. Young Ford has filed a petition in an Orange County court seeking to establish whether or not he is the father of a three-month-old boy born to an occasional date named Joi Malkin. If it turns out he is, said a statement issued for the family by the former President, "Steve is fully and willingly prepared to assume his parental responsibilities, and Betty and I as grandparents would of course be happy to have [the child] as one of our family."

On the Record

Michael Sovern, 48, president-designate of Columbia University, on the extent of campus demonstrations today: "The percentage of students engaged in expressive action involving the use of feet is minuscule."

Edward Koch, New York City's mayor, urging tougher gun-control laws: "You're not a nice guy if you have a gun, even if you are a nice guy."

Loretta Lynn, country singer, on a congratulatory call she received from President Carter after he had watched a new movie about her life and career, Coal Miner's Daughter: "He said it was better than he thought it would be."

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