Infra Dig?

Archdiocese turns undertaker

Funeral, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

When Satirist Ambrose Bierce proposed that wry definition of the charnel trade at the turn of the century, it was still possible to be buried for under $25. Today that sum would barely buy a spray of flowers. Last July, in response to charges of price gouging, the Federal Trade Commission ordered undertakers to provide price lists for their services. Now the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Denver is offering bargain burials.

For almost a century the traditional resting place for Denver Catholics was Mount Olivet Cemetery. But as maintenance costs soared and Catholics began to bury their dead elsewhere, the archdiocese came to fear that Mount Olivet would no longer be able to make ends meet. To help bolster revenues, the archdiocese decided last spring to convert a chapel on cemetery grounds into a mortuary and offer burial services at lower prices than private establishments. The new tab for an average Mount Olivet funeral comes to $1,100 compared with $2,500 elsewhere. That includes coffin, the use of two limousines, death notices in two Denver dailies and even a motorcycle escort. Those who want a more stylish send-off can choose a top-of-the-line bronze casket for $3,682.25, much cheaper than the private equivalent sold for $8,900. For the truly cost conscious there is also a no-frills, Boot Hill model--a stark pine box covered with gray cloth, for $90.

Church officials had hoped that a little holy competition would force Denver's 18 private funeral homes to lower costs. Instead, threatened local undertakers seem bent on raising an unholy row. They have complained to the Colorado attorney general, charging the tax-free church with unfair business practices. The archdiocese, in a conciliatory move, has offered to pay taxes on any income from the mortuary. Says Martin Work, the archdiocese's director of administration: "There's plenty of business for all."

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