By E. Graydon Carter

"Learning to tap dance at 35 is like having a truck run over you every day. It's real punishment," says Steve Martin of the nine-month regimen of instruction he endured for the film Pennies from Heaven. The musical drama, scheduled for Christmas release, is based on a 1978 BBC series and not the breezy 1936 Bing Crosby picture. Steve plays a hapless sheet-music vendor who wants to live in a world "where the songs come true." Co-star Bernadette Peters, 31, Steve's oft reported main squeeze offstage, provides the love interest. With Depression-era recordings backing them on the soundtrack, the dapper duo lip-sync their way through 15 songs and six lavish production numbers. As for the dancing, says Peters: "At least I got to use my own feet."

It was a wonder that James Cagney, 82, wound up in the same photograph with the gentleman to his right, Baseball Commissioner Bowie Kuhn, 54. The veteran actor was set to throw out the ceremonial first ball at last week's World Series opener. Then Kuhn invoked a policy that excludes actors and politicians from "first-ball ceremonies," and substituted former Yankee Great Joe Di Maggio, 66. Fans and press protested so loudly that Kuhn, with unaccustomed nimbleness, swiftly re-evaluated Cagney as "a national treasure" and gave his blessing for him to throw out the first ball of the second game. When Cagney finally delivered his pitch, it was a Yankee-Doodle dandy.

A group of refugees from a fancy Dungeons & Dragons tournament? Nope, just James Mason, Olivia Hussey, Anthony Andrews and Lysette Anthony in period garb for the CBS-TV movie Ivanhoe, due to air in February. The Sir Walter Scott novel of religious prejudice inspired the 1952 MGM classic with Robert Taylor and Elizabeth Taylor. Olivia must now contend with the memory of Liz's smoldering Rebecca, but she doesn't want to hear about Ol' Lavender Eyes. Huffs Hussey: "I don't follow in anyone's footsteps."

It was, according to Joseph Fontaine, 48, president of the Sierra Club, the largest citizens' petition ever presented to Congress. Its message: "Interior Secretary James Watt must go." Last week the 240,000-member environmental organization, backed by representatives of similar "green vote" groups, brought that petition to the steps of the Capitol. There the 50 bundles, containing some 1.1 million names, were accepted by House Majority Leader Tip O'Neill and California Democratic Senator Alan Cranston. As for the subject of all this wrath? Watt, 43, was out on the hustings staging his own "green" campaign--drumming up Republican funds for next year's congressional elections.

--By E. Graydon Carter

On the Record

Henry Fonda, 76, recalling an old date with Lucille Ball: "If I'd behaved, they might have named that studio Henrylu."

Ed Koch, 56, New York mayor, debating over which Democratic candidate he will support in 1984 for the presidency: "If I support Ted Kennedy, there would be cruises, jet-set parties and long, lazy summers at Hyannis Port. If I were to support Fritz Mondale, there would be winter in Minnesota. It's a tough choice."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so viewer discretion is required.