The Presidency

By Hugh Sidey

Before presidential politics gets too grim, let's have the Milt Pitts tonsorial tout:

Gary Hart beginning to fade unless the tops of his ears appear from under his 1960s mod hairdo. Chuck Robb, Richard Gephardt and Bill Bradley neatly trimmed for maximum political appeal, rising steadily. Sam Nunn consigned to the campaign basement unless the sides and back of his shag are thinned. George Bush ("really great") and Bob Dole ("styled very well") streamlined and sailing smartly into the political winds. Pete du Pont, Al Haig and Don Rumsfeld rightly barbered to take the course should the others falter. Jack Kemp, splendidly styled for football, left in the locker room instead of the White House if he does not have some serious cutting done.

We could all chuckle with Milt if his predictions in the past were not so eerily accurate and his imagery were not so much a part of today's politics. He has been barbering Presidents and Washington power brokers for more than 20 years, and is serious when he says that in this electronic environment, a person's hair becomes an instant signal of his purpose and personality. He wrote Ted Kennedy out of contention long before anyone else after seeing a shot of the Senator's wild locks. "He'll never make it with a haircut like that," said Milt.

J.F.K. signaled his intention in 1960 when he had his hair cut back. Thereafter he drove the Senate barbers wild with his persnickety instructions for a presidential trim. He ordered Frances Fox's special amber hair tonic rubbed into his dome daily on the campaign trail. He refused to wear a hat lest the felt crush his coif.

Republicans have to be trimmer than Democrats, insists Milt, but Democrats have to be careful that they are up to the minute with their more casual style. Thus when he saw the picture of Hart in New Hampshire sporting a hairstyle that seemed 20 years old, his fingers itched to attack the mop. "How come you don't see any bald men among the top candidates?" asks the hair stylist. Good point. Baldie Ike made his mark in the military and then defeated Baldies Taft and Stevenson on his way to the White House. End of the baldie run.The barber almost saved Gerald Ford in the campaign of 1976. He had Ford dump the Vitalis, and then he trimmed the President closer on the sides and in the back, poufing up the thinning top. But by that time Ford had pardoned Nixon, and not even Pitts' magic could save him.

As for Carter, Milt knew the morning the photo came out showing he had switched his part from right to left and restyled his country thatch that Carter was a one-termer. "You never change your style so dramatically overnight while you are on the job," declares Milt. "It unsettles people. It indicates a vacillating nature." Pitts' rule of political hairstyling: get it right the minute you become serious about running and stick with the basic style all the way.

Mario Cuomo hovers on the edge of acceptability. The Governor needs a little feathering on the sides and in the rear so he does not look quite so much like a provincial New Yorker. After all, he is running to be President of all the people, not just Queens. Howard Baker has a fine haircut for a Vice President, Milt insists, which is Milt's way of suggesting he come around for a trim.

The hair stylist does not win them all. One of his best customers over these years has been Pat Buchanan, the White House's remorseless partisan. When Milt felt that the presidential fever was building in Buchanan, he gave him his best dark-horse trim, which is a cut that is short all over, even on the sides and top, and starkly etched at the edges. But such artistry was not enough. Buchanan withdrew from the fray and has even decided to quit his White House post. Milt shrugs, "He's still got a cutting edge."