Not The News

By RICHARD ZOGLIN.

USA Today, the bubbly national newspaper in love with factoids and the pronoun we, launched its own TV entry last week. But USA Today: The Television Show -- syndicated to 156 stations, most of which air it in the early evening - -- bears little resemblance to a newscast. The nightly half-hour is a buckshot spray of brief, lightweight features, snippets of interviews and idle trivia (limousine sales in the U.S. rose from 4,000 in 1983 to 7,000 in 1987). The closest it came to a breaking story was a behind-the-scenes glimpse of Robert Sheets, director of the National Hurricane Center, as he tracked Hurricane Gilbert. Actually, Sheets appeared to spend most of his time doing TV interviews.

USA Today, meanwhile, seems to spend most of its time pandering to America's nostalgia for yesterday's pop culture. Old movie clips and '60s hit tunes adorn the show wherever possible; a cover story on kids today (part of a five- part series on, no less, "living in the U.S.A.") was little more than an excuse to trot out scenes from Our Gang comedies. The show's animated graphics are state-of-the-art slick, and its four anchors state-of-the-art cute. But little stays on the screen long enough to register, and anything that does hardly seems worth the trouble. We hate it. -- R.Z.