Grapevine

By PRISCILLA PAINTON/

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU. Salman Rushdie: eyes bloody, enveloped in flames, struck dead by an angry god. The Ayatullah Khomeini tried to arrange this denouement but wasn't able to bring it off before his own death last year, so a Pakistani studio has produced a movie that features three mujahedin setting out on a Rambo-style trek to kill the offending author of The Satanic Verses. In his celluloid incarnation, Rushdie is depicted as a boozy member of a Jewish cabal who lives in a luxurious palace surrounded by plump Punjabi bimbos and who likes to torture Muslims. The film, International Guerrillas, is doing boffo business in Pakistan, and its producers are negotiating to show the movie in -- of course -- Iran. Meanwhile, the man who plays Rushdie is getting a lesson in method acting: his portrayal of the author is so convincing he's now dodging death threats.

With reporting by DAVID ELLIS