Miscellany

IT'S NOT IN THE MAIL. For Los Angeles County residents who still haven't received their federal income tax refund, it's time to get on the phone. Last week the IRS shredded 8,642 uncashed checks worth nearly $5 million because they had been returned as undeliverable. The checks will not be reissued unless the taxpayers call in. Failure to contact the IRS could cost one Beverly Hills resident $229,015 -- the largest shredded refund.

GO-GO GORILLA. Timmy, a 497-lb. silverback gorilla from the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, left his mate Katie last week for a fling at the Bronx Zoo with four breeding beauties. Animal-rights activists fought the temporary move, but to no avail. They argued that Timmy is being used as a stud pony and not being treated as a "sensitive male." Katie, who is infertile, will be entertained by Oscar, a silverback from the Topeka Zoo, until Timmy returns.

CELIBACY SENTENCE. Alberto Gonzales, 27, of Salem, Ore., carries the AIDS virus and knows it, but he did not tell his girlfriend during their two-year relationship. After pleading no contest to a felony-assault count for transmitting the virus, Gonzales was given an unprecedented sentence: he is not allowed to have sex or even dates for five years. Officials concede this will be difficult to enforce, but Gonzales will be strictly supervised and will have to wear an electronic surveillance device for six months. Judge Janice Wilson said she will send Gonzales to jail if he violates the order.

DOWN ON HIGHS. America is starting to kiss off its infatuation with marijuana. The National Institute on Drug Abuse says the number of weed smokers dropped one-third last year, to 20.5 million, from a 1979 high of 31.5 million. Reasons cited for the decline are rising prices, fewer supplies and the plain fact that it's just not cool anymore to use the stuff.

TRANSPACIFIC TRAGEDY. The conceptual artist Christo's $26 million project started as a transpacific wonder; it ended in binational disaster. Last week a worker was electrocuted while taking down one of the 1,340 20-ft. blue umbrellas unfurled along 12 miles of Japan's landscape. A week earlier, high California winds toppled one of 1,760 yellow umbrellas opened as part of the same project. Lori Rae Mathews, 33, was crushed by the 485-lb. parasol. Removing the ill-starred display will take months.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"Now he fits in with my antiques."

-- Jacqueline Jackson, on her husband Jesse's 50th birthday.