Bureaucratic Horror Show

By Wendy Cole

EVERYONE GETS INTO THE ACT

How many government workers does it take to change a light bulb? Forty-three, according to a safety procedure proposed last year at the Rocky Flats nuclear- weapons plant in Colorado. Al Gore's report credits the Denver Post for disclosing the 33-step process that a plant staff member wanted to adopt for replacing the light bulb that warns workers of nuclear accidents. The proposed guidelines would require an estimated 1,087 worker hours to complete, compared to 60 hours currently.

DOING IT BY THE (BIG) BOOK

No wonder the government seldom hands out a pink slip. The federal personnel manual, which spells out the rules for hiring and firing, totals 10,000 pages. There are 900 pages alone on how to fill in Standard Form 50 ("Notification of Personnel Action"). Government personnel director Jim King wants to replace the manual with slimmed-down regulations tailored to specific agencies.

INSTANT ANTIQUES

Bureaucrats who want to keep up with technology are bedeviled by the General Service Administration, which is responsible for buying $10 billion of computer equipment annually. The GSA approval process for ordering a computer takes as long as three years. By that time, the equipment is technologically obsolete, and in some cases is no longer even manufactured.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

The five district rangers at Ochoco National Forest in Oregon spend as much ! time hacking through red tape as they do overseeing the 1 million acres of timber. They have to juggle 53 separate budgets, including one for fence construction and another for fence maintenance, divided into 577 management codes and 1,769 accounting lines. Each ranger spends about 30 workdays a year just tracking the spending in the various accounts.

A TURKEY OF A TRANSPORT

The Air Force's C-17 transport plane is a prime example of cost overruns and faulty supervision. Even after 10 years of development, the early models suffer from fuel leaks, faulty wings and an inability to cross the Atlantic unrefueled with a full load of cargo. The program deserves to be scrapped, but the Air Force urgently needs replacements for its aging cargo fleet. The original order for 120 jets (price each: $380 million) may have to be cut in half because of skyrocketing costs.

THEY STILL MAKE HOUSE CALLS

Who says you can't get good service anymore? The Agriculture Department operates hundreds of extension offices throughout the U.S., some of which offer a high degree of personal attention: the office in Georgia's Douglas County, for example, serves only 17 farmers. Tom Clonts, one of the two agricultural agents who staff the federal office, gives free advice on everything from building a barn to canning peaches to controlling pond slime. The cost to the government of operating the extension office, which is largely supported by Georgia state and local taxes, is about $85,000 a year.