THE WORST PUBLIC PERFORMANCES OF 1996
By CONTRIBUTORS GINIA BELLAFANTE, RICHARD CORLISS, CHRISTOPHER JOHN FARLEY, PAUL GRAY, BELINDA LUSCOMBE, JOSHUA QUITTNER, RICHARD SCHICKEL, MICHAEL WALSH, STEVE WULF, RICHARD ZOGLIN
1 Bob Dole. At one point in his quest for the presidency, the Republican candidate told a crowd that as the head of the Red Cross, wife Elizabeth had seen many natural disasters, "and I'm not including my campaign in that." Ah, but there was a calamity at every turn. There was his stubborn insistence that tobacco was not necessarily addictive. There was the premature release of his concession speech on Election Night. And, of course, there was the symbol of his campaign, the Chico--as in California, not Marx--pratfall. On the very same day that Dole landed on his back after crashing through a fence on-stage, he also cited Hideo Nomo's no-hitter for "the Brooklyn Dodgers." It could have been worse. Better to call them the Brooklyn Dodgers than what they were known as in the 19th century: the Brooklyn Bridegrooms.
2 Bill Clinton The President went over the top Down Under. At a press conference in Canberra, Australia, last month, Clinton was asked about the allegations of illegal campaign contributions solicited by former Democratic party fund raiser John Huang. The Chief Executive responded, "One of the things I would urge you to do--remembering Mr. Richard Jewell in Atlanta... we ought to just get the facts out, and they should be reported." Perhaps the President and Jewell, whose life was ruined through no fault of his own, can get together in Atlanta and empathize over slaw dogs at the Varsity.
3 John Tesh The former host of Entertainment Tonight served up embarrassingly fatuous commentary during NBC's telecasts of the Olympic gymnastics. A cross between Barney the Dinosaur and Fabio, Tesh said things like, "It was the U.S. who had the key, soaring through the rarefied air, newly baptized in the fire of Olympic competition." At one point he cautioned, "There's something in the warm summer air tonight, can you feel it?" Yes, it was a blast of hot air from a himbo who knew what had happened at events taped that afternoon. E.T., take him home.
4 Rupert Murdoch and Ted Turner If the world of telecommunications were a playground, the two moguls would be given a timeout. Irked that the Fox News Network wasn't on the Time Warner cable system in New York, Murdoch called in the friendly muscle of Mayor Rudy Giuliani, used his New York Post newspaper to question Turner's sanity, and hired a blimp to fly over Turner's Braves during the World Series with the message, ted, play baseball, not monopoly. Turner, for his part, continually rants about Murdoch, once comparing him to "the late Fuhrer." A far better tack for the old sailing rivals might be to ignore each other. After all, that's what Fox Sports did to Turner in its Series coverage.
5 Pierre Salinger The veteran journalist announced in France last month that he had proof that TWA Flight 800 was accidentally shot down by a U.S. Navy missile. His proof turned out to be an elaborate Internet rumor. James Hall, chairman of the National Transportation Safety Board, chastised Salinger "for raising confusion in the minds of many people here and abroad...for causing consternation and pain to the families of the victims" and for promoting third-hand information "as some scoop of his." Talk about getting shot down.
6 Roberto Alomar He didn't say it, he sprayed it. The Baltimore Oriole second baseman spit on umpire John Hirschbeck after an argument in Toronto toward the end of the regular season, then compounded his sin by saying Hirschbeck hasn't been the same since his son died of a neurological disease. After Alomar was given an absurdly lenient suspension (five games next season rather than in the postseason), he became the chew toy in a dogfight among the players, umpires and baseball executives. The real damage, though, was done to Alomar's name. He may never shake his spitting image.
7 Robert Dornan "B-1 Bob" went ballistic after narrowly losing his House seat in Orange County, California, to Hispanic financial analyst Loretta Sanchez. Threatening to sue her for election fraud, Dornan called Sanchez a "liar" and said "the whole thing stinks to high heaven." Of course, sour grapes were to be expected from the former fighter pilot who once grabbed a fellow Congressman by the collar and called him a "draft-dodging wimp." Sanchez's campaign manager, John Shallman, spoke for many when he said of Dornan, "He's been, and continues to be, a national disgrace. All we can say is: Adios." The bad news is that Dornan will now have more time for his second job as Rush Limbaugh's substitute host.
8 Linford Christie Has anybody checked to see if Christie has actually left Olympic Stadium yet? The British sprinter refused to leave the track after being disqualified for two false starts in the 100-m finals in Atlanta. Christie had to be physically removed from the premises before the runners could line up for another start. After Donovan Bailey of Canada won in the world-record time of 9.84 sec., Christie was back on the track, taking his own, delusional victory lap. Then he went after fellow sprinter Ato Boldon, who had called Christie's act "unprofessional." Two false starts revealed him as a true jerk.
9 Julie Andrews Not saying thank you is one of our least favorite things. Bothered that her Tony nomination for Best Actress in a Musical was the only one received by Victor/Victoria, Andrews, then 60, announced at a Wednesday matinee that she would decline the nomination. "I have searched my conscience and my heart," said the actress, "and find that sadly I cannot accept this nomination and prefer to stand instead with the egregiously overlooked." Her sincerity would have played out a little better if somebody hadn't tipped off the TV news crews, who came rushing into the theater 30 minutes before the curtain.
10 Dennis Rodman and Richard Branson A pair of unblushing brides. The Chicago Bulls star decided to marry himself in a wedding gown at a Manhattan bookstore as a publicity stunt for his confessional, Bad As I Wanna Be, while the British bull artist shaved his beard of 30 years and donned a wedding dress, veil and fishnet stockings to celebrate the launching of his latest venture, the Virgin Bride boutique in London. "I've always had good legs," said Branson. Good taste is another matter entirely. The nerve of either of them to wear white.