PEOPLE

By Joel Stein

TRANSCRIPT:

On Friday, 20/20 will air BARBARA WALTERS' interview with BARBRA STREISAND and JAMES BROLIN. An excerpt:

Streisand: Put it this way, the other night he was--you know what spooning is, don't you? Spooning?

Walters: I think so.

Streisand: He was, like, whispering, holding me and whispering and--

Brolin: Spoons. Sleeping in spoon-style.

Walters: Yeah, sleeping like spoons-style. Cuddling in bed--is that what we're talking about?

Brolin: Yeah, right.

Walters: O.K.

Streisand: And we're just about to fall asleep. And he says, "I don't want to fall asleep." And so I said, "Why not?" And he says, "Because then I'll miss you."

FEUD OF THE WEEK

BARNEY "THE DINOSAUR" AGE: 200 million HEIGHT: 7 ft. WEIGHT: Won't divulge OCCUPATION: Children's TV host BEST PUNCH: Suing over a long-running skit in which the Chicken would "punch, flip, stand on and otherwise assault the putative Barney."

"THE FAMOUS" SAN DIEGO CHICKEN AGE: 23 HEIGHT: 5 ft. 8 in. WEIGHT: 155 lbs. OCCUPATION: Unaffiliated mascot for hire BEST PUNCH: Interviewed on CNN, the Chicken scratched his chin and said, "It's my little friend, the Bill of Rights, that I'm protected by."

THE WINNER: The Chicken. Barney is always a loser

AT LEAST HIS ZIPPER'S UP

We pored over hundreds of photos from last week's New York City fashion shows--through models changing on runways, women with giant zippers on their heads, Ivanka Trump with a wedgie you wouldn't believe--and darnit if the funniest shot wasn't of BILL BLASS. Maybe it was the one collar popping out of his jacket, or the way his right pant leg looked as if it had a cyclist's clip on it. But probably it was his tie, which stopped right below his chest. The disheveled-genius look is one thing, but Dilbert just doesn't work on a runway.

DA JUDGE

"You're out of order, Mr. Tyson! This whole ring is out of order!" Who better to be host of a People's Court ripoff than MILLS LANE--ex-Marine, ex-prizefighter, Nevada district court judge and the ref who pulled Mike Tyson away from Evander Holyfield's ear. "Maximum Mills," as he is known in Nevada, will be seen in Judge Mills Lane, due to air next fall. The show will be produced by the folks who made A Current Affair and Inside Edition, and they expect swift, just decisions from Lane. Definitely tougher than Wapner.