PEOPLE

By Joel Stein

THANK GOD JOEY STAYED HOME

It was true in grade school, and it's true when you're in the White House: don't hang with the wrong crowd. That's the mistake HILLARY CLINTON made last week when she decided to hold a private meeting with gossip columnist CINDY ADAMS at New York's 132-year-old University Club, where she'd just spoken at a $1,000-a-plate fund raiser. It seems Adams managed to get herself and the First Lady booted from the stuffy club by gabbing on a cellular phone, rustling her bags and getting Hillary to spray Adams' incredibly unpleasant perfume, Gossip, in the air. The First Lady's spokeswoman tried to downplay the incident. Good luck.

Q&A

HARRISON FORD just finished shooting Six Days, Seven Nights with Anne Heche.

Q: Do you prefer the Indiana Jones or the Han Solo action figure?

A: I don't think I've seen an Indiana Jones action figure.

Q: You don't own them all?

A: I have a couple of things kicking around the kids' toy boxes. But I don't have a museum of me if that's what you mean.

Q: An earring? What were you thinking? It's 1997.

A: I was thinking I wanted an earring.

Q: You're a carpenter, a pilot and a motorcycle enthusiast. Is this a male insecurity thing?

A: I'm not a carpenter anymore. I do like motorcycles. In the pursuit of pilotage, thinking it a manly thing would only lead to disaster. It's not about that.

Q: You live in, like, Montana or something. That's real manly too.

A: I live part time in Wyoming. It's not about manliness. It's about living in a really nice place.

Q: What's with these actresses saying you kiss badly? Like you're really trying, right?

A: One actress said I kiss badly. Helen Mirren. But I never kissed her, as far as I remember.

BUT WILL IT LAST?

Representative Jon Christensen of Nebraska asked Tara Dawn Holland, Miss America 1997, to marry him, and she said yes! Will it last?

PRO

--Proposed at the White House

--She can keep him entertained with her pageant talent: singing opera in a midriff-baring Oriental costume

--She's against illiteracy, and he's against illiteracy

--She's one of Bush's 1,000 points of light; he's one of the Junior Chamber of Commerce's 10 Outstanding Young Americans

CON

--Long-winded proposal included Proverbs 12: 4 ("A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones") and the more swoon-inducing Proverbs 31: 10 ("A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies")

--Nine-year age difference

--Christensen has an ex-wife

PREDICTION: Yes! A match made in heaven!

DEAR DR. PET PSYCHOLOGIST

Q: The President got a new chocolate Labrador, and everyone seems very excited. But how does Socks feel?

A: Much like a child dealing with his first sibling, Socks is going through a tough time. Deirdre Ryan-Rivas, an animal-behavior counselor with the ASPCA, says Socks "is going to be a little upset. The cat needs to have a room of his own. Fortunately, they have a lot to choose from." Dr. Bonnie Beaver, a veterinary behaviorist at Texas A&M, agrees. "The biggest problem you worry about is that the dog can bother the cat around the litter-box area. The cat gets all postured and ready to eliminate and along comes this pest. So a lot of them stop using the litter box."