Larry King

By Joel Stein

Larry King just signed a new five-year contract with CNN, reportedly for $7 million a year, a cable-TV record.

Q: What will you do with all that money?

A: I'm going to give a lot of it to the government. I'm going to put a lot in trust for the family and do more traveling. I've got a great wife, and we're going to Paris soon. That's a delayed honeymoon.

Q: Have you ever gone to Paris on a honeymoon before?

A: No. That's funny, Stein. I'll let that pass.

Q: Who's the front runner for the G.O.P.?

A: The polls say George Bush, but that's truly name value. I would say Elizabeth Dole. And I believe she's going to run.

Q: Will you get her to say it on the show?

A: We're going to try.

Q: What's your trick to doing that?

A: There's a secret way to ask the question. It's the way I asked it of Ross Perot: "Are there any circumstances under which you would run?" As soon as they say, "Well," they're running.

Q: I hear you wear lots of cologne. What's that about?

A: I put on the normal amount: two swoops on the hand, pat each cheek.

Q: Just your cheeks?

A: I never put cologne on my body. Are you crazy? I put talc powder.

Q: What's talc powder?

A: How old are you?

Q: I'm 26.

A: I've got ties older than you. Talc is powder you put on after you shower. Talc feels very nice. It's soothing and it absorbs water and it smells nice. In fact, go to a store and buy some talc.

Q: How long does it take you to write that USA Today column?

A: An hour. Sometimes less.

Q: What's the best part of a wedding?

A: The moment before they say, "I now pronounce you..." That silent moment. But at Jewish weddings, the food.

--By Joel Stein