The Prenup Audit

By Daniel Kadlec

What ever happened to true love? Financially literate couples planning to walk down the aisle this summer are likely to consider first how their betrothed spent money as a teen, his or her credit-card balance, and the need for a prenup. Bubble-bursting stuff if you believe love conquers all, yet so practical that a cottage industry peddling financial advice to newlyweds has sprung up like a June flower, reminding us that half of all marriages end in divorce and that money is a main culprit. Several books on money talk for newlyweds have hit the stores, and there's been a blossoming of seminars on couples budgeting. Citibank and Dreyfus distribute tips on how to discuss money with your intended. Strong Funds has just begun sharing its wisdom on the issue, the result of Strong financial planner Scott Grittinger's getting engaged and uncovering a few surprises. "As I started talking with my fiance about our goals, it quickly turned into a discussion of money, and we realized that we had vastly different views," Grittinger says. She wanted to use two incomes to buy a big house, and Grittinger wanted to live on one income, thinking ahead to the day when one of them might quit work.

Money disputes between newlyweds are a growing pain, partly because marriage now comes later in life. Once you're in your mid-30s, your bad habits (money or otherwise) are tough to break. Also, one partner is more likely to bring substantially greater wealth to the union. And let's face it, men, the days when we called the shots on big items are long gone. Bottom line: a Citibank survey finds that 57% of divorces stem from arguments over money.

So set romance aside for a day. If you want your marriage to outlast the Ricky Martin craze, ask your future spouse some tough questions. Most simmering differences can be defused by talk before they heat to a boil. But if you run into a pig-headed partner who feels the family finances are none of your business, consider it a deal breaker. You are bound to discover that your priorities have not been taken seriously. And if your fiance lies in a big way about personal assets or debts, don't go anywhere near a church. Such seeds of mistrust will surely flower.

What should you talk about? Start with how money was treated in your family. Was the emphasis on saving? Or did you live in a free-spending environment? Did you work as a teen? Pay your way through college? Values are often handed down. Understand your partner's financial roots. Talk about credit cards. One of the biggest causes of early divorce is one spouse's penchant for running up the balance while the other saves. Opposites attract. But can you live with it day to day?

Ask your intended for a full financial disclosure, and exchange credit reports to get an understanding of your fiance's spending patterns. Talk about when you want to buy a house, how you plan to save for retirement, and what you're willing to sacrifice to reach such goals. Consider separate accounts for guiltless discretionary spending, but expect to keep the bulk of your marital money jointly.

Do you need a prenuptial agreement? Most do not, and it's a thorny issue to raise for no reason. But consider one if there are kids outside your marriage, you own a business or you have significantly more wealth than your partner. Love knows no bounds. And neither does a good divorce lawyer.

See time.com/personal for more on couples' budgets. E-mail Dan at kadlec@time.com See him on CNNfn Tues. at 12:45 p.m. E.T.