People

By Michele Orecklin

A CRYSTAL BALL

We the people don't ask for much--enough food, adequate shelter and a mildly entertaining Oscar-night show that gets us to bed before sunrise. Hollywood, in all its benevolence, is hard at work on granting us the latter. The producers of next year's Academy Awards show, husband-and-wife team Lili and Richard Zanuck, made a public plea this month to intermittent emcee BILLY CRYSTAL, who last year ceded the hosting duties to Whoopi Goldberg. "It's the one thing people agree on--they all want Billy," said Lili (kindly refraining from adding, "just not in any more of those City Slickers movies"). Heeding our quality-of-life needs, Crystal last week consented to the gig. The Zanucks, producing the show for the first time, have pledged to trim the numbingly protracted broadcast. High on their list of priorities: nixing the perennially misbegotten dance routines. Crystal, yes; dance numbers, no. They don't call Hollywood the dream factory for nothing.

THE HYPE OF FASHION

It won't be in stores until March, but the hottest dress of next season has already won friends in high-profile places. The python-print frock made its debut in Milan last September at Gucci's Spring/Summer 2000 show. Within days, Vanity Fair had secured a one-sleeved prototype to (almost) adorn CAMERON DIAZ in its current issue, and Brazilian model GISELLE showcases a version with a daring plunge on the cover of the latest Harper's Bazaar. The dress has been making the party rounds as well. A newly brunette GWYNETH PALTROW wore it to a gala for the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute, and Heather Locklear had one made in pink to wear as host of the VH1 Fashion Awards. Befitting its stature, the dress has garnered its own urban legend: a sample was allegedly abducted en route from Gucci to the manufacturers. Could the new trend among the style conscious be to wear only gowns with a really colorful back story?

CAN THEY SNATCH VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT?

Last week, after what it deemed an appropriate time out, NBC rehired Marv Albert as its lead NBA announcer for next season. How have infamous biters fared in their public rehabilitation?

MARV ALBERT

TRANSGRESSION Pleaded guilty to assault in September 1997 for biting an ex-lover

CONSEQUENCE Fired from NBC

REHABILITATION Rehired by NBC last week

TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME A little more than two years

CHRISTIAN SLATER

[TRANSGRESSION] Charged with biting a man in the stomach in August 1997

[CONSEQUENCE] Three months in a minimum-security prison

[REHABILITATION] One movie and a Broadway role, both in fall 1998

[TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME] 14 months

MIKE TYSON

[TRANSGRESSION] Bit off part of Evander Holyfield's ear in a June 1997 fight

[CONSEQUENCE] Barred from boxing and fined $3 million

[REHABILITATION] Reinstated in October 1998

[TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME] Moot; he's still misbehaving

THE PIT BULL

[TRANSGRESSION] A rash of injurious biting incidents since the mid-1980s

[CONSEQUENCE] Many people fear the breed

[REHABILITATION] Ongoing attempts to prove it's cuddly

[TOTAL CAREER RECOVERY TIME] Still pending

PUTTING THE DATE IN DATELINE

In a journalistic coincidence most likely never encountered by Sam Donaldson or David Brinkley, DIANE SAWYER last week found herself interviewing a presidential candidate who happened to be a former squeeze. During a segment on Good Morning America, Sawyer conversed with Democratic contender BILL BRADLEY, whom, it turns out, she briefly dated in the mid-1960s while both were in college (she at Wellesley, he at Princeton). Given that the youthful romance sputtered almost 35 years ago, it seems the two, now both happily married to others, saw no reason to inform viewers of their collegiate coupling. But after the Washington Post mentioned the connection in a brief item, the New York Post ran with it. Said an ABC spokeswoman: "I think you should get a pass on college romances."

FEELING FINE

ROBIN WILLIAMS' new film, Bicentennial Man, opened last week. It seems an appropriate moment to look at his career arc.

MORK & MINDY Played: an alien who learns how to feel human

MOSCOW ON THE HUDSON Played: a Russian defector who learns how to feel American

GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM Played: a radio deejay who helps soldiers not to be afraid of how they feel

DEAD POETS SOCIETY Played: a teacher who helps students to feel

AWAKENINGS Played: a doctor who helps the comatose temporarily feel

THE FISHER KING Played: a homeless man who helps a deejay learn how to feel

GOOD WILL HUNTING Played: a psychiatrist who helps a troubled young man express how he feels

PATCH ADAMS Played: a doctor who helps the medical establishment learn how to feel

BICENTENNIAL MAN Plays: a robot who learns how to feel

IT TURNS OUT THE CLUB IS NOT A GREAT INVESTMENT

If the current spate of sober-minded, Oscar-soliciting movies leaves your pulse unquickened, take heart. The action-blockbuster season is but six months away. Among the crop will be Gone in 60 Seconds, a story of nimble car thieves starring NICOLAS CAGE and ANGELINA JOLIE and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, a man with a demonstrated fondness for blowing things up. Cage plays Randall ("Memphis") Murphy, a retired automobile abductor forced to thieve again when his brother meets up with the wrong sort of people. For the role, Cage took courses in race-car driving as well as the art of picking a lock. He reports that car-stealing techniques have advanced little over the years. "What's fascinating," he says, "is that most cars are stolen with a simple butter knife."

FEUD OF THE WEEK

NAME: Christina Ricci OCCUPATION: Sleepy Hollow actress BEST PUNCH: Said of Manson's band: "I hate the things they preach... They found a gimmick that sells... The fact that they're making money off all these teenage kids who actually believe in their message is disgusting."

NAME: Marilyn Manson OCCUPATION: Creepy, hollow-eyed singer BEST PUNCH: Said of Ricci on his website: "I actually liked the way [she was] abused in Buffalo 66... She's going to need to make a few more stops at the salad bar if she really, really wants to look like my girlfriend."

WINNER Ricci, because her criticism actually makes sense--and she looks better in makeup