People

By Josh Tyrangiel

WHY LOSE TEETH WHEN YOU CAN SUE?

ANTONIO TWISTELLI is a fine name for a comic-book villain (or a Sicilian porn star), but if Spawn comic-book creator Todd McFarlane knew using the Twistelli sobriquet would cost him millions, he probably would have gone with something else. Last week a St. Louis jury ordered McFarlane to pay $24.5 million to one TONY TWIST, 32, a former NHL enforcer for the St. Louis Blues, who sued McFarlane for using his name without permission. McFarlane, a sports nut who paid $2.7 million for Mark McGwire's record-breaking 1998 home-run ball, waffled in his testimony about the exact provenance of the Twistelli name, but in letters to fans he admitted that Twist was the inspiration for his snarling mafioso character. Never mind that Twistelli bears little resemblance to Twist; if the judgment stands, McFarlane's Image Comics imprint could be forced out of business. "I thought that law was sort of short for logic," said McFarlane. "That just got blown out of the water."

EUAN SOME TROUBLE NOW

Proving that the Royal Family hasn't cornered the market on embarrassing offspring, the son of British Prime Minister TONY BLAIR was arrested last week after he was discovered drunk and vomiting in the middle of London's Leicester Square. EUAN BLAIR, 16, apparently went on a bender to celebrate the end of final exams. After initially giving police a false name, address and age (he claimed to be 18), Euan's true identity was revealed and the lad promptly delivered to 10 Downing St. "If anyone breaks the law, they should suffer the penalty of the law, whether they are my son or anyone else's son," said the Prime Minister, who was stumping for instant fines for public drunkenness just days before the incident. But the police let the PM's son off with an official reprimand. Maybe because, as the daily Mirror blared in a headline, "We've all been there."

NOT SLAVES--JUST FREE-LANCERS

As a vehicle for social change, the open letter has accomplished just slightly more than the limerick, but it remains a wonderful medium for airing public squabbles. Spike Lee's most recent venting appeared in the Hollywood Reporter, decrying the curious lack of slaves in the Mel Gibson movie The Patriot, set in 1776. "While holding myself back from shouting at the screen, I kept wondering, Where are the slaves? Who's picking the cotton?" Indeed, screenwriter Robert Rodat gives Gibson's South Carolina gentleman farmer a cadre of African-American "employees" who refer to themselves as free men. "Did Rodat get his dates mixed up?" asks Spike. "The Emancipation Proclamation was 100 years away." Moviegoers learned all about that from the famously accurate Gone With the Wind.

SIR HAIRY LEGS

SEAN CONNERY would have been dubbed a knight of the United Kingdom long ago but for the little fact that as a Scottish national, he'd like nothing more than to disunite the kingdom. Somehow Connery and Her Majesty put aside their differences long enough to get the deed done last week, as the former 007, in full Highland dress, accepted the honor in his hometown of Edinburgh. "It was very moving," said Connery, who spent two minutes chatting amiably with the Queen. "It's been a long time coming. It is a great honor for me and for Scotland as well." Connery donates [pound]5,000 a month to the Scottish National Party and even sports a SCOTLAND FOREVER tattoo somewhere on his body. (Thanks to the kilt, we know it's not on his legs.)