News Quiz

By AnnMarie Bonardi, Amanda Bower, Ellin Martens, Joseph Pierro, Alex Smith, Sora Song, Heather Won Tesoriero and Josh Tyrangiel

1. Dick Cheney announced that he might need to:

a) "Put a stop to this T-ball crap" b) Have more heart surgery c) Return his 2002 XFL season tickets d) Switch to I-Can't-Believe-It's Not-Lard

2. This photo proves that:

a) Nobody messes with Eeyore and lives to tell the tale b) Honey addiction will land you in the gutter c) Bangkok is cracking down on counterfeiting d) Asia hates Pooh

3. To make up a $3 billion deficit, the post office will:

a) Raise postcard rates by 1[cent] b) Issue Legends of Porn stamp series c) "Go postal" on Fed-Ex d) Take away Mr. Zip's corporate card

4. Mexico banned sales of whoopee cushions because:

a) Who needs 'em with carne asada around b) Vicente Fox prefers the ol' plastic vomit on the chair c) Toxins in them are making kids sick

5. The producers of Survivor admitted:

a) Kucha & Ogakor translate to Meaningless & Tripe b) Colby waxed c) They reshot some scenes with body doubles

ANSWERS: 1-b, 2-c, 3-a, 4-c, 5-c