People

By Michele Orecklin

LA DOLCE POLITICIAN

Just because he's Prime Minister of Italy doesn't mean Silvio Berlusconi has forgotten where he came from--in his case, the world of cruise-ship entertainment. Before becoming a billionaire media tycoon and then going into national politics, Berlusconi serenaded passengers aboard cruise liners (he specialized in romantic French tunes). Now he is set to release a CD, A Song Instead, of 14 original compositions for the Christmas holidays, with proceeds going to charity. The album includes a song titled Bella, Bella, Bella, with the lyrics "Tonight the air is sweet/and sweet is your heart/even sweeter than last night." Is it any wonder he was able to woo the Italian electorate?

DESPECTACLED

Breast implants, liposuction, hair plugs--these are the celebrity surgeries we are excited to hear about. Laser eye surgery is arguably less sexy than mole removal, except perhaps when it comes to Elton John, a man who has made a virtue of his myopia. John claims to have amassed 4,000 pairs of glasses during his career, but now, he says, he's grown weary of specs: "I'm so fed up with 'Where are they?'" he said in a television interview, explaining why he's having the eye procedure done early next year. Look for 4,000 pairs of glasses to hit eBay sometime soon.

WHAT CAN YOU SAY BUT "YIKES"?

The question before the court was why Michael Jackson failed to play two concerts. The question on everyone's mind was, How can he look even freakier than the last time he appeared in public? Jackson showed up in court to defend himself against a $21 million lawsuit filed by promoter Marcel Avram, who claims Jackson illegally backed out of two millennial concerts. Jackson says Avram called them off. For his first day of testimony, Jackson arrived wearing his familiar surgical mask, which he removed when he took the stand, revealing sparse facial stubble and an unexplained bandage at the tip of his nose. On Day Two, Jackson arrived four hours late, this time shielding himself from the sun with an umbrella. The delay gave the judge time to call a news photographer into his chambers in response to a complaint by Jackson's lawyers, who said unflattering photos taken the previous day had upset their client. Perhaps Jackson's plastic surgeon should answer for that one.

WHEN ANIMAL LOVERS ATTACK

How did a group of conservatively dressed women upstage model Gisele Bundchen, who was wearing only lingerie and high heels? Fairly easily, considering the women stormed the runway Bundchen was stalking and carried signs labeling her "scum." The fracas occurred at a Victoria's Secret fashion/peep show taping for a CBS special. Members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals oppose Bundchen's modeling work for a fur company. Bundchen remained unfazed as protesters were dragged offstage. Lest ugliness invade the vision of female loveliness and male fantasy, her interrupted turn down the runway was reshot for TV.