Word to Parents

By Claudia Wallis

Nobody wants his kid to be fat. Aside from the serious health issues, there's the gym-class issue, the last-one-picked-for-the-team issue, the clothes-shopping issue and, alas, the meanness issue. Being an overweight kid is often painful. Other kids can be cruel; even teachers can be biased. And, let's face it, a blubbery kid is a bad reflection on the parent. It suggests too much junk food in the pantry, too much time in front of the TV and other failures of parental oversight. For a parent who also carries too many pounds, it's one more thing to feel awful about.

A child who's overweight as a teenager has an 80% chance of being overweight as an adult, so preventing obesity--with family meals that instill good eating habits and family outings that involve plenty of activity--is a parent's best bet. But what if you've lost that bet? What if your child is one of the 30% of kids who are either overweight or "at risk"? How can you turn the tide without making him or her more miserable, more resentful of you and more obsessed with eating, or, just as perilous, not eating? Here are some pointers from experts:

1. FACE UP TO THE PROBLEM

It's easy to tell yourself that your child is going through a chubby phase. But your pediatrician's growth and body mass index charts don't lie. "You should begin to be concerned if you see rapid, abnormal upward weight divergence," says psychotherapist Ellyn Satter, author of Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family. If, over two years, you see a child's weight jump, say, from the 25th to the 75th percentile of the average weight for his age while his height stays at the 50th percentile, then there's cause for concern.

2. IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR

Don't focus on a problem child. It's better to get the whole family eating right, starting with yourself. If you don't know how to do that, consult a dietitian or nutritionist. Parents have a lot of control over the diet of children under age 10. Change your own ways, and the kids will change theirs. Children tend to mimic their father's eating habits, observes dietitian Marilyn Tanner, who works with obese children at St. Louis Children's Hospital. Introduce more fruits, vegetables and whole grains at meals, even if they aren't your favorites. Tanner's message to dads: "Pretend you like it."

3. TAKE A SEAT

Sit-down family dinners offer the best opportunity for building good eating habits. Not only do they enable you to keep an eye on what your child eats, but they also tend to be more well-rounded than meals eaten on the run, and kids are less apt to bolt them down. Dinnertime talk can also reveal emotional issues that might underlie overeating. If you can't do it every night, aim for three or four family dinners a week. Satter stresses that even snacks should be "structured, sit-down [meals] served at set times" with no grazing in between.

4. MAKE IT FUN. TRY NEW THINGS

Nutritionists and dietitians believe in a healthy or even playful involvement with good food. Sharron Dalton, a professor of nutrition at New York University, suggests a "fruit ceremony." Buy one unusual fruit (or vegetable) a week and do a family taste test together. Don't give up on a new food just because it didn't go over well the first time. Says Tanner: "Research shows that sometimes it takes 10 to 15 introductions." Brussels sprouts, anyone?

5. WHAT TO SAY AND NOT TO SAY

It's easy for kids to become obsessed with the scale. Tanner suggests talking about nutrients instead of pounds. "Have a meeting to discuss the family's health without singling anyone out," she says. "One thing you don't want to say is, 'I've got one skinny kid and one overweight kid.'" Sometimes kids want to talk about a weight problem, but it's best to listen for their cues, says psychiatrist Denise Wilfley of Washington University in St. Louis, Mo. Books can also open up conversations. For ages 9 to 12, Dalton suggests Paula Danziger's The Cat Ate My Gymsuit, Judy Blume's Blubber or Jelly Belly by Robert Kimmel Smith.

6. UNPLUG, GET MOVING

One of the few things proved to prevent obesity is getting kids to watch less TV. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises setting limits on television and computer time and keeping TVs out of kids' rooms. To encourage activity, keep the bicycle tires pumped; buy a badminton set; plan a hike. And walk the walk: the best way to get your kids off the sofa is to get up yourself. --Reported by Leslie Whitaker/Chicago

With reporting by Leslie Whitaker/Chicago