Moving a Lifetime

By Elizabeth Pope

Bob Sigmond couldn't bear to pack his belongings and trade in his Philadelphia high-rise, even for a plush retirement community a mere three blocks away. "Just the idea of moving was stopping me from moving," says Sigmond, 83, whose children urged him to relocate three years ago after his wife of 61 years died suddenly of a heart attack. "I was grieving anyway, then to walk away from the apartment we'd shared since 1968--it was like saying goodbye all over again," he says.

Beyond the emotional turmoil, there was a physical burden. Sigmond, a former director of the Albert Einstein Medical Center, owned a three-bedroom apartment that housed more than 80 cartons of books and stacks of professional papers. Downsizing to a smaller place meant days of sifting, sorting and lugging--more than he was willing to handle. So he didn't. Instead he called on moving solutions in Wynnewood, Pa., a senior-move management company, one of the latest specialty support services for older adults.

The company's president, Margit Novack, spent several days with Sigmond assiduously placing green and red stickers on items indicating what would go and what would stay. Senior-move managers sort, pack and unpack, and dispose of unwanted items, though they let the movers do the heavy lifting. Think of them as moving angels. When it was finally time for Sigmond to pack up, his son and Novack took control while he jetted off to the west coast to visit friends. "By the time I got back, the new apartment was all set up, so I could walk in the door and start living," he says. "There Was even food in the refrigerator."

Scores of older Americans like Sigmond are finding that there's help for the downsizing headache. Moving consultants (or relocation specialists) focusing on the elderly have been sprouting up around the country and can be a godsend to those who don't want to wade through a move alone. Often they are summoned by adult children too busy or too distant to help parents uproot from a family home or from one level of care to another in a retirement community.

For older Americans, moving can be even more arduous than for others. "Preparing for a senior move is a major organizational challenge," says Novack. "There may be 40 years of belongings to sort through. It's not uncommon to have items going to your parents' new home, to an adult son in Maine, a daughter in Illinois, a niece in Texas, the church bazaar, the Salvation Army and the town dump."

Novack's field of expertise is burgeoning as the population ages. She reckons that there are an estimated 150 senior-move managers around the country, up from a handful just a few years ago. Many are former social workers, nurses, gerontologists or other second-careerists who charge $30 to $60 an hour for their services. Depending on the size of the house and number of items to be packed, shipped and unpacked, the total cost generally ranges from $1,500 for a one-bedroom apartment to $5,000 for a large, well-stocked house. Many move managers who cater to this group help choose a moving company and coordinate the move, scheduling dates and nailing down details. (The moving costs are extra.)

The key to their success lies in re-creating a familiar environment in the new locale. To do that, some consultants take photos of bureau tops or draw diagrams of knickknacks in a curio cabinet. Every detail is considered crucial. "Even the magnets were in the same place on the fridge. We couldn't believe it," says Robin Rose, 45, of Chicago, who helped her in-laws, Don and Edith Rose of Clearwater, Fla., relocate last March. In the midst of the move, her mother-in-law was hospitalized for a stroke. "Mom was so worried she wouldn't be able to find anything," says Robin. "But when she walked in the door, she said, 'This looks just like our old home.' All the china and glassware were in the right spot in the hutch."

An accurate floor plan of the new residence is essential to a good move, says Beth Warren of Welcome Home Relocation in Clearwater, who managed the roses' transition. Warren keeps measurements of all the closets, drawers and wall space of several retirement communities that she works with on a regular basis. "If there's no room for the china cabinet in the new apartment, what do you do with your three sets of china?" she says. "Why pack the contents of the garage when you won't even need a toolbox?"

That might sound callous at first, but Warren sees her job as helping people part with some of the things that are no longer practical in a new retirement setting. Her sorters are trained to help clients make decisions about well-loved possessions. "You have to be gentle enough to listen to someone's story about their grandmother's Spode but strong enough to ask, 'so which is your favorite china? let's take that one.'" Clients who presort save on hourly rates, says Warren. Clutter bugs end up paying a premium as they sit in a comfortable chair and discuss the fate of each item with a sorter.

A move to a retirement community comes freighted with emotion. Sorting through a lifetime of possessions, reminiscing, feeling sad and saying goodbye to a house is a necessary part of the grieving process, says Barbara Kane, a licensed clinical social worker in Bethesda, Md., and author of Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent. "Moving is about the loss of our role as a householder, the one thing we still have control over in the last stages of life," she notes. "That's why it's so tough."

An adult child often instigates a move because a parent is too frail or demented to live alone, she says. But the transition may be so upsetting that it triggers depression in an elderly person, requiring medication or counseling. And older adults with difficult personalities--those who are overly needy, self-centered, controlling or anxious--may require extra nurturing and understanding during a major transition.

"Instead of arguing with your parent, you have to empathize," Kane says. "You've got to say, 'Mom, I'm sorry it's so hard.' Period." Attempting to convince parents they're better off in a new setting is a mistake, she adds. "They'll hear that as abandonment and be even more threatened and rigid."

Retirement communities and geriatric-care managers may know of packing services that specialize in dealing with the elderly, says Novack, who is also a founder of the newly formed national association of senior move managers. The association's website nasmm.com has links to companies around the country, and Novack hopes the organization will have a voluntary certification program in the next few years. She advises families to inquire about professional credentials, liability and workers' compensation insurance, references, written contracts and fee structures.

Some relocation help is available to people who move to one of the 5,700 member facilities of the American association of homes and services for the aging (AAHSA), a Washington-based group representing nonprofit nursing homes and assisted-living and continuing-care retirement communities. "We wanted to provide an affordable service to seniors to make the transition as painless as possible," says Scot Scurlock, an AAHSA vice president. A coordinator provides phone support and tracks details during a transition but is not on site for packing and unpacking.

Patience and compassion may be the most important virtues in helping older adults relocate. "We aren't moving things. We're moving a lifetime," Novack says. "It's not about stuff. It's about the stories behind the stuff. We do a lot of listening."