Punchlines

"Bush is doing anything he can now to boost his popularity. In fact, tomorrow he will be jumping up and down on Oprah's couch." --DAVID LETTERMAN

"Jimmy Buffett, Jay-Z and Avril Lavigne signed a brief supporting the record companies, while Heart, Brian Eno and Terence Trent D'Arby joined forces to support Grokster. It was a lineup that ensured no matter how the court ruled, the music at the victory party would suck." --JON STEWART

"VATICAN TIGHTENS NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS STANDARDS." --Fake news headline from THE ONION